


Somewhere Between Retribution and Recovery

by zuotian



Category: Naruto
Genre: 30 Year Old Virgins, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Missions Gone Wrong, Smut, Switching, Tasteful Genjutsu, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-22 04:10:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 31,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17655848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuotian/pseuds/zuotian
Summary: A shinobi's body is a weapon. Gai's body is a weapon most strictly honed. Until it is used against him.When the worst almost happens, he must learn how to regain control and trust himself again.





	1. Retribution

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a bunch of [forgetme's fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetme/pseuds/forgetme). this story went off the rails too much to be identified as a proper remix, though i plan on writing a real sequel to one of their fics soon. just giving a shoutout when a shoutout is due. wherever forgetme is, i hope they know they are forever immortalized as one of kakagai's greatest authors. shine on you crazy diamond.
> 
> some disclaimers: no actual rape takes place in this fic.
> 
> furthermore, i don't know a lot about the semantics of shadow clone or substitution jutsu but spent a lot of time reading on the wikia. still if anything is inaccurate, i apologize. i also don't remember the exact shippuden timeline; if ino and co. are jounin by now instead of chuunin, i apologize for that inconsistency as well. overall, however, i think the largest issue is anal sex immediately after eating a bunch of curry. suspend your disbelief. in terms of gai and kakashi's sexual dynamic - i view kakashi as demisexual. gai is just a good dude who held out for the love of his life.
> 
> i edited this in the middle of the night. if i overlooked any grammatical errors, my bad. there will be a part two. i don't want to dicktease everyone and make it half as long as this chapter, but due to college it might take a few weeks to write; i'll try my best. predictably, it will be called Recovery. hold on tight!
> 
> thanks for reading. please leave a comment and smash kudos. enjoy!

Their team consisted of Gai, Kakashi, and Yamanaka Ino. It was a rare configuration, but not an unpleasant one. Gai always relished in battling with his Eternal Rival, and Ino was a formidable kunoichi who had risen above and beyond the expectations of her clan. 

 

Resources were spread thin, but this emergent threat had to be disposed of. Tsunade was particularly disgusted at their debriefing. A small cell of deviled sex traffickers had been prowling across the elemental nations evading capture. Intelligence from Sunagakure indicated they were headed toward the Land of Fire next. The cell was lead by a triumvirate of powerful missing-nin; the strongest of the three had a technique not unlike that of the Yamanaka, which explained Ino’s presence - it was not a Mind-Body Disturbance, but another form of mental possession, perhaps a kekkei genkai or, less likely, a hidden genjutsu.

 

The other two missing-nin were a proficient swordsman and Earth style user each. Together, Gai and Kakashi could exploit the pair’s weakness - not to mention all three of them were S class rogues, and required the combined strength of elite jounin. Coupled with Ino’s expertise, it looked like a difficult, but straightforward, mission. 

 

After the debriefing they analyzed the information before parting ways to spend the night in preparation. Early the next morning, they bid goodbye to their own respective teams and departed. 

 

The objective was to dispel the group before they could take root in the Land of Fire and, more importantly, free their hostages. Sunagakure’s intelligence indicated the last sighting southeast of the shared border, but after that they’d have to pick up the trail themselves. 

 

Travel with few stops took only a handful of days. They inspected the location of the group’s last known sighting, relieved to find evidence of a hasty, bloody evacuation at their camp - which meant they’d either caught wind of the team’s approach, or a skirmish had broken out. Undeterred, Kakashi summoned his ninken, Urushi, to sniff out the remnants of the camp, and the dog tracked the group a half-day’s passage to a grassy field.

 

The team crouched low in the peripheral forestry. Kakashi looked at his ninken. “Urushi?” 

 

“They’re here, boss. A couple miles north.” 

 

“Thank you,” Kakashi murmured, and dismissed him. 

 

They carefully wound low across the plain, unobscured by trees. Kakashi lifted his hita-ate, scanning the horizon with the Sharingan. He halted, and the other two stopped behind him. 

 

“There,” he pointed ahead, where he sensed a mass of people congregating behind a copse of shrubbery. “It’s the civilians. In plain sight.”

 

“How many?” Ino asked. 

 

His gaze hardened. “A lot.” 

 

“They’re baiting us,” Gai suspected. 

 

The trio jumped to their feet at the sudden flare of chakra behind them. Gai thrusted his arm up to block a kick from above; the missing-nin’s hit connected, forcing Gai to skid backward. He pushed the combatinant away, who followed through with a midair flip and landed smoothly. 

 

“Go,” Gai yelled to Kakashi and Ino, “free the civilians!”

 

Kakashi pinned him with a split-second gaze; he was a professional, and knew Gai’s prowess better than anyone, but still - _ don’t be stupid, don’t die,  _ his eyes said. Gai flashed him a confident grin, then turned back to the missing-nin before him as Kakashi and Ino ran in the other direction. 

 

The missing-nin smirked, unsheathing his katana. At the same time, Gai armed himself with his nunchaku. 

 

He braced the nunchaku in front of him just as the missing-nin brought his sword down. A loud  _ clang _ echoed as they separated, leaving a resounding gust of air. They stalked each other in a circle, the missing-nin twirling his katana. 

 

“You’re Maito Gai, the Beast,” he said. “Why aren’t you blue?” 

 

“For your sake, I hope it does not come to that,” Gai replied, and flickered out of sight. He materialized behind the missing-nin, rammed his nunchaku into the man’s spine; the man buckled, and Gai widened his stance, letting his weight fall on his back foot, then launched the man into the air with a strong kick. 

 

The missing-nin jammed his katana deep into the earth to slow his fall. He rose on his feet and disengaged the blade, leveling a smirk at Gai. “I’m not the one you should be worried about.” 

 

Gai did not let his confusion show. He advanced forward, the nunchaku a blur. The missing-nin parried, fluidly meeting every hit. Gai doubled his attack. He managed to loop the cable of his nunchaku around the blade, and sent it flying behind them. 

 

Disarmed, the missing-nin began a series of signs. Gai smashed his hands before the jutsu could be completed, relishing in the sound of crunching bone. He hit him again, and the missing-nin’s nose snapped and spouted blood. 

 

Gai stepped back to gain wider berth - a foolish move. The missing-nin dropped to his knees and retrieved the hilt of his sword in his broken hand. He whirled, low to the ground, and slashed before Gai could evade. 

 

Gai stumbled, blood dripping down his side. Far off, a wall of stone burst through the ground, only to be splintered by chidori. 

 

“You cannot be bested,” he declared, invigorated by the sight of his Eternal Rival’s power, and leapt into the Leaf Hurricane. The missing-nin futilely defended against his barrage of kicks; the katana snapped in half. Gai finished his move. The missing-nin barreled into ground - his spine split against the earth, which cracked beneath him, dispelling a cloud of dust. 

 

Gai retrieved a kunai from his thigh pouch, and in one smooth motion slit the missing-nin’s throat. His blood splattered across Gai’s front, staining the green of his jumpsuit and that of the grass around them. 

 

He let the kunai drop to the ground, and touched the wound in his side. His opponent’s katana had been sharp, and the wound oozed thickly. But there was no time to bandage it properly. He remembered the missing-nin’s warning -  _ I’m not the one you should be worried about _ \- and took off in the direction of Kakashi and Ino. 

 

The ground trembled as Gai neared, and he saw Kakashi involved with the Earth user, dodging pillars of stone and counter-attacking with flashes of electricity. Gai searched for Ino. She was corralling the civilian hostages to a safe spot yards away. 

 

“Where is the third enemy?” Gai asked upon reaching her. 

 

She shook her head. “Hasn’t shown up yet; they’re weakened.” She gestured to the group of civilians huddled together; most of them were women and children, grim but determined. “There was a revolt, of sorts. All the lesser conspirators were killed at that camp.” 

 

Gai sent everyone a glorious thumbs-up. “That is fantastic! Truly, your courage and vivacity have been proven today!” His countenance shifted. “Is anyone injured?” 

 

“I already asked,” Ino said clinically, “nothing life-threatening for the survivors. I’ll have to treat them afterward; we’re still waiting on that kekkei genkai user.” Her eyes widened at the wound in his side. “Gai-sensei.”  

 

“Don’t worry,” Gai told her. “Protect the civilians - I will join Kakashi!”

She nodded.  

 

The second missing-nin was volleying boulders at Kakashi. He rolled out of the way, only to encounter another hurtling toward him. In the nick of time, Gai leapt into the fray and smashed the boulder with a roundhouse kick. The resulting gravel rained down as Kakashi rose to his side.

 

“Gai.”  

 

“Rival.” 

 

Simultaneously leaping into the air, Kakashi broke through the Earth user’s offense with successive bolts of lightning, distracting him in order to allow a window for Gai’s Dynamic Entry. The attack sent the missing-nin hurtling toward the ground; Gai surfed on top of him through a fracturing rivulet of earth. When the dust settled, Gai ground his foot into the missing-nin’s windpipe. The Earth user coughed blood and fell limp. 

 

“Two down, one to go,” Kakashi intoned. His Sharingan whirled. “Where is he?” 

 

Screams pierced the air as someone jumped up from the civilians’ midst. Ino shouted a warning toward the two jounin.

 

Kakashi and Gai tightened into a defensive stance as the person approached. It was a woman. She stood before them wearing plainclothes, but radiated enmity - a disguise, then. 

 

Sure enough, twin blades slipped down her sleeves, into her hands. “Enough playing around,” she barked, and the blades flared with dark chakra. 

 

Kakashi slanted his hitai-ate in reverse, so that only his Sharingan showed. “Close your eyes, Gai!” 

 

Gai did, trusting his Rival’s heightened sight to make up for his lack. The woman cackled, however, and jeered: “There’s no need for that kind of nonsense.” 

 

“Stay by me,” Kakashi ordered and flattened against Gai’s back.

 

Gai felt a disturbance in the air as the rogue kunoichi implemented her assault. He blocked her blades with the nunchaku, but felt the chakra burn through its cable. He dropped the nunchaku to his feet and reached behind to grab one of the kunai holstered on Kakashi’s hip. 

 

Kakashi gripped his wrist to stop him, but it was too late. The kunoichi swiped at his exposed side, widening the existing wound. Gai gasped, doubling over. Kakashi steadied him. “Gai!”

 

Gai grit his teeth. “Do not worry.” 

 

The kunoichi stepped back, laughing. “Too easy - my men have prepared you already. At least they’re good for something.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Kakashi demanded. The kunoichi couldn’t have noticed, but Gai heard the edge of panicked confusion in his Rival’s voice - even the Sharingan could not predict what was about to happen. 

 

She flipped through a pattern of rapid signs. Kakashi copied them expertly.

 

Gai inhaled sharply. “My Eternal Rival, whatever she makes me do, promise me that you will - “

 

A moment later, Gai’s body snapped to rigidity. His eyes opened without conscious command. The kunoichi smiled at him cruelly, and Kakashi’s breath hitched behind him, his copy ineffective. It was a kekkei genkai.

 

Suddenly, a tagged kunai landed at the kunoichi’s feet. Kakashi tried pulling Gai away from the imminent explosion, but his body was immovable. 

 

_ Go _ , Gai mentally begged. Thankfully, Kakashi leapt out of the way. 

 

The tag went off, scorching Gai in its blast. He remained on his knees, his jumpsuit burnt and skin blistered. 

 

The kunoichi snarled, pivoted, and was met with Ino. 

 

Ino said nothing and proceeded to flash through hand signs, holding the final sign in front of her face. Her body dropped into the grass. 

 

Transfer successful, the kunoichi’s expression widened to shock as Ino learned her immediate plan of action. “It’s the chakra,” she quickly reported, “it’s in your blood, contaminating your nervous system, Gai - I won’t be able to counter it with jutsu or an antidote. My gods -  _ why?  _ She’s going to - “ The kunoichi screeched. In the grass, Ino reanimated, forced out of the kunoichi’s body. She sat up, wheezing, and sorrowfully beseeched Kakashi. “You have to  _ disable _ Gai, before he - “ 

 

“Enough!” The missing-nin’s chakra blades snuffed out, but she did not release her grip on them. “Don’t say another word, blondie.” 

 

Kakashi moved in front of Gai protectively. “Ino, get the others out of here.” 

 

“But Kakashi-sensei - “

 

“Quiet. You did all you could.  _ Their _ safety is priority. Now go!” 

 

She pursed her lips but did not hesitate in running to the civilians, and began ushering them out of sight through the forest. The nearest village was hours away by civilian pace. 

 

Kakashi shoved his hitai-ate upward, revealing his other eye now that it was clear there would be no genjutsu at play. “The rest of your group has been demolished by your victims,” he said, “and we’ve taken out your accomplices. Stand down.” 

 

The kunoichi scoffed. “Do you not remember me?” 

 

Kakashi’s mask hid his frown as he contemplated her silently. Gai could only listen to their exchange, frozen at Kakashi’s feet. 

 

She wove toward them through the grass. “Years ago, you found me. I was just a little girl from Kirigakure, in the lowest caste. You Leaf shinobi thought you could save us from that hell - but the moment you left, another bunch of bastards took their place.  _ I _ saved myself and took over operations. There is something so satisfying in retribution, is there not? I’ve accomplished more than any of my damned predecessors - and now you will know my pain!”  

 

Gai felt his body move, like he was watching from the inside out, helpless to stop anything. Kakashi apparated two shadow clones before he tackled him to the ground. The clones grazed the kunoichi with shuriken followed by chidori, but she dispelled them with two quick jabs of her blades. 

 

“You’re hopeless,” she informed, sauntering forward yet again. With a flick of her wrist, Gai’s legs snapped against Kakashi’s sides, pinning him in place. “I am lucky the puppet is so physically endowed.” 

 

Gai stared into Kakashi’s eyes, unable to speak but screaming inside. Kakashi returned his gaze, pupils shrunken to pinpoints. 

 

_ My Eternal Rival, whatever she makes me do, promise me that you will - _

 

But of course, Kakashi couldn’t. He did not retaliate when Gai flipped him onto his stomach. Horror filled Gai’s chest as he realized what was about to take place. At least, he thought dreadfully, he did not have to see the betrayal on Kakashi’s face, shoved into the ground as it was. 

 

“It’s okay, Gai,” Kakashi comforted, his words muffled. “It’ll be okay. Trust me.” 

 

Relentless tears streamed down Gai’s face. This, the kunoichi humiliatingly allowed. 

 

Gai’s wretched fingers tugged at Kakashi’s vest. He could feel the pain, strangely dampened,  blossoming across his burnt hands as he stripped Kakashi naked. Gai had dreamt of this sight. In any other circumstances, he would be pleased to find that his fantasies of pale, calloused skin scarred with years of gallant valor were accurate. Now, he only saw his blooded hands tarnishing Kakashi’s lean, muscled body. 

 

Kakashi continued rambling. Whether it was for his own sake or Gai’s was unknown. “It’s fine. If it has to be you - it’s fine. It’ll be fine.” 

 

Gai had never once succumbed to suicidal thoughts, but now they plagued his mind, worsened only by Kakashi’s despondent acceptance. He could not live with this guilt. His beloved Eternal Rival went boneless underneath him. 

 

Above, the kunoichi made a sharp sound. Gai only saw himself prodding Kakashi’s legs apart in preparation of an innermost violation. 

 

But then - 

 

Kakashi bucked under his hold, and vanished. It had been another shadow clone. 

 

Gai fell, thoroughly gobsmacked. Equal parts relieved and terrified, he listened to the kunoichi growl and the sounds of several other clones popping into existence. The shuriken, Gai remembered. He’d been too stressed to notice. When Kakashi made the two clones, a third double had taken his place. The shuriken thrown was only a diversion, in order to transport the real Kakashi behind the kunoichi.

 

Countless chidori crackled hot and loud, raising the hairs on Gai’s arms. He could not look, but knew that the clones were about to attack the kunoichi all at once. Escape was impossible. He should not have doubted his Eternal Rival. 

 

A storm of lightning sliced through the kunoichi, and she dropped dead. Gai felt his body unlock as her chakra diminished. 

 

Silence followed. He stayed still on the ground. Blood seeped into the grass, trailing toward him. Its scent filled his nostrils, coupled by the ozone in the air. The clones evaporated as quickly as they had appeared. 

 

Kakashi stood above the fallen kunoichi in full uniform, his fist still crackling with energy. 

 

Gai began sobbing into the dirt. Unremoved from his body, the physical pain resumed full throttle. But a deeper pain laid underneath, a pain which he knew could not be healed. It tore into his mind and heart, exacerbated. 

Kakashi stepped toward him softly. He knelt down, but did not touch him. “Gai.” 

 

He could say nothing. What words or apology befit an instance such as this? 

 

“You’re injured. We need to get back to Ino. She can heal you.”

 

Kakashi laid a hand on his hair, the only part of him not entirely bloodied or burnt. He stroked him gently, in what was meant to be a reassuring manner. 

 

“I don’t blame you. I could never blame you for that. It wasn’t your fault.” 

 

If only he’d been faster, Gai thought. If only he hadn’t gotten struck by the swordsman. A thousand scenarios cycled through his mind, a thousand things he should have done better to avoid the tragedy which just occured. 

 

“You didn’t - she didn’t finish what she started. I didn’t let her. I would never let that happen.” Gai flinched when Kakashi rested his other hand on his non-wounded side, intending to pick him up; Kakashi retracted. His voice was wrecked with agonizing concern. “Please, let me help you.” 

 

Gai would do anything for his Eternal Rival. Mandated by the request, he rolled onto his back. His chest shuddered as he breathed. No longer sobbing audibly, silent tears fell from his closed eyes. He was unable to look Kakashi in the eye. 

 

“I’ll retrieve the bodies later,” Kakashi said, then summoned one of his dogs and sent it ahead to alert Ino. 

 

He didn’t say anything else, only carried Gai in his arms. His chakra must’ve been spent, but his pace did not slow as he crashed through the forest. Gai remained motionless. Sometime during the trip, he passed out due to mental exhaustion.

 

Then what felt like minutes later, Kakashi was dropping to the forest floor. 

 

Ino had made camp on the small village’s outskirts. She was prepared for their arrival. A fire crackled, sending a ribbon of smoke up into the trees, and a bedroll laid beside with medical supplies at the ready. Kakashi lowered Gai tenderly, then departed to fetch the missing-nins’ corpses. 

 

Gai avoided Ino’s determined gaze, remembering her shock during the Mind Body Switch. She must’ve known what was going to happen. According to Kakashi’s clothed appearance, she also knew it did not come to fruition, but that didn’t matter. It’d been too close of a call. 

 

“If I may?” Ino took his silence as an affirmative, and cut away his jumpsuit. She healed the burns underneath, fresh skin sizzling over the blisters. “Sorry about that. I didn’t know you were trapped.” 

 

Gai did not reply. She continued wordlessly, mended the injury on his side, and redressed him in a spare joinin uniform of Kakashi’s, minus the vest; Gai hadn’t thought to bring an extra jumpsuit. Wearing Kakashi’s clothes filled him with shame, but he did not announce it. The sleeves and pant legs were far too short.

 

“That’s most of it.” She leaned back. “Honestly, your recuperating time is crazy. With a little rest, you’ll be fine.” She paused. “Physically, I mean.”

 

Gai turned his head, Ino was crying. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Gai-sensei. I couldn’t stop it. I’d never seen anything like that technique - then she kicked me out. I saw what - what she - I tried telling Kakashi, but he told me to leave, so I did. I should have done better.” 

 

“No,” Gai croaked. His throat was parched, vocal chords scraping against each other. “You did the right thing. You saved those people. They are safe. That’s all…” He inhaled. “That’s all that matters.” 

 

She grinned through her tears. “Sensei or not, you’re the most knuckleheaded person I’ve ever known, besides Naruto. Trying to make me feel better, at a time like this.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Kakashi looks okay, though. I don’t know what happened, but I’m just glad  _ that _ didn’t.” Her brow furrowed, and for all her resolve and experience, the next word came out nervously girlish. “Right?” 

 

Gai nodded, once. It was all he could manage. 

 

“Right!” Ino’s determination was back. She was a perfect specimen of youth. “Don’t worry, Gai-sensei, it’ll be okay.” 

 

It was the same thing Kakashi had told him. He still did not believe it. 

 

“You need to sleep. Can you walk?” 

 

She guided him into the tent. They only had one, to lessen unnecessary baggage. Gai was sore, and lethargic. Everything felt a bit unreal. Ino laid him back down on another bedroll and tucked him in; he imagined this was how she acted in the hospital, crassly attentive the same as Sakura, but she wouldn’t approve being told that.

 

After forcing him to drink water, Ino sat beside him, diligently vigil. “I won’t tell anyone,” she promised. “But I want you to know I don’t think of you any differently. The civilians - they’re at the inn, right now - the things they told me they had to do… But it’s not their fault. It was all  _ her _ . And she’s dead now. It was her, not you, Gai-sensei. However far it went or not. You can’t blame yourself.” 

 

Gai appreciated the sentiment, pointless as it was. “Thank you,” he said, for her benefit. 

 

Her lips twitched, as if she knew he were lying. “Anyway, I shouldn’t be keeping you up. Sleep. Soon. Or I’ll have to give you some pills.” 

 

It was a threat; Gai was known for disliking basic medicines. He used to believe they were below him, when he had strict control of his body. Now, his opinion had changed. “Perhaps,” he said, “that would be for the best.” 

 

She blinked, “Of course,” but quickly contained her surprise and retrieved the pills. 

 

Gai collapsed into a mercifully dreamless sleep. When he awoke, the dark sky leered at him through the tent flaps. He was unsurprised to see Kakashi next to him, but still immediately uncomfortable. 

 

“Get out.” 

 

“No.” Kakashi’s mask was down. A sign of vulnerability, honesty - no barriers between them. It wasn’t anything Gai hadn’t seen before. He stared at his mole, at the slightly elongated canines poking out from his upper lip. Anything to not look into his eyes. 

 

“I will open the sixth gate if you do not leave.” 

 

“You don’t have it in you right now. And besides, it goes against your code of honor.” 

 

Gai’s mouth flattened. “You speak of honor, as if I have any.” 

 

“Gai.” Kakashi was exhausted. “This doesn’t change anything.” 

 

Anger flooded him. “No, Kakashi - it changes everything.” 

 

Kakashi did not look away. He was a brave man. But he did reconsider his wording. “I’m sorry. I meant to say, this doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

 

_ How I feel about you?  _ Gai searched his eyes finally, looking for the deeper meaning behind those words. He knew Kakashi better than anyone - anyone alive, at least. Kakashi’s face was exposed, his body language open to read, and still, Gai could not solve the mystery.  _ If it has to be you - it’s fine.  _ What did that mean?

 

“I am unworthy to be called your Rival,” he said instead. 

 

“I thought that was eternal.” 

 

“Not anymore. Not after today.” 

 

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Kakashi questioned. 

 

Gai relented. He never could deny Kakashi, and especially not now. “What do you have to say?” 

 

“You’ll always my Rival.” Kakashi enunciated the last word with gravity. “Nothing will ever keep me from you.” 

 

“You are being uncharacteristically poetic. You read too many of those books,” Gai accused. “I have no need for your empty declarations.”  

 

“I suppose you don’t.” Kakashi shifted, laying down next to him on the hard ground. “May I touch you?” 

 

Gai stiffened. “I would prefer it if you did not.” 

 

“So is that a hard no, or a soft yes?” 

 

Gai sighed. “It is whatever you wish it to be.” 

 

Kakashi rolled onto his side. He looked at Gai for a long moment, then slowly snaked his arm over Gai’s stomach. “Is this okay?” 

 

“How can you be near me right now?” Gai blurted out. 

 

“You look nice in my clothes,” Kakashi said, and palmed the spot where Gai had been wounded. “Little small, though. I always hated that you were taller than me when we were kids.”

 

Gai’s chest clenched. “Do not speak of those times. Their memory should not be spoiled.” 

 

“Nothing’s spoiled, Gai. And you said I’m the dramatic one.” 

 

“Kakashi, please, answer my question.” 

 

Kakashi exhaled, his breath ghosting Gai’s shoulder. “If I answer yours, will you answer mine?” 

 

Gai frowned. He did not know what Kakashi could ask of him, unless it was something terrible. “Yes.” 

 

“Of course I was scared,” Kakashi said, and quickly added, “but not of you. It might’ve been your body, but it wasn’t  _ you. _ I wasn’t scared of her, either. I knew what I needed to do.” Somehow, he always inadvertently advertised his genius. “I was scared of what it would do to our relationship… of what it would do to you.” 

 

“That is ridiculous,” Gai snapped. “I hurt you. I tore your clothes off. I saw you” - Gai made a small, hurt sound - “naked.” 

 

“It was a clone.” 

 

“That makes no difference.” 

 

“Well - it wasn’t with my consent,” Kakashi told him, and held onto him a bit tighter, “but it wasn’t with yours, either. As for the nakedness, I might’ve wished it happened differently, but that’s the least of my worries.” 

 

“I am sorry, Kakashi,” Gai apologized. He remembered the sight of Kakashi’s bare skin, and could not stop thinking about its beauty, and the sad circumstance surrounding it. “From the bottom of my soul, I promise there will never be another time when I see you like that again.” 

 

Kakashi’s expression hardened, as if Gai had said something wrong. “It was out of your control.” 

 

Gai wanted to move on. He braced himself. “What was your question?”

 

“Ah.” Kakashi moved his hand up to Gai’s chest, directly over his beating heart. “What you said, before she took over - what did you want me to promise?” 

 

Gai peered at him. “You know.” 

 

“Prove me wrong.” 

 

“I cannot do that.” 

 

His newly issued shirt twisted underneath Kakashi’s fingers. “I see.” 

 

“If it had taken any longer, you should have - “ 

 

“No,” Kakashi refused. “Never.” 

 

“But - “ 

 

“I thought you knew me better than that.” 

 

Gai knew of Kakashi’s hesitancies, and chose his next words carefully. “It would not have been a mistake, nor a casualty.” 

 

“That’s not it,” Kakashi said. “You’re lying.” 

 

Fresh tears gathered at the corners of Gai’s eyes. He hated for Kakashi to see him unravel yet again, but could not help it. “If you had not been able to stop it, I couldn’t live with myself afterwards. I would rather die.” 

 

“I’ve never known you to be a coward.” 

 

“That is what I have become.” 

 

Kakashi didn’t reply. There wasn’t anything to say. He gathered Gai to his chest and let him cry. Against his better judgement, Gai clutched him back. 

 

“That’s it,” Kakashi encouraged, patting Gai on the back like he was a child. “Let it all out.” 

 

Gai felt stifled. He pushed against Kakashi and was released. He needed to be alone. “I would like to rest.” 

 

“You need to eat.” 

 

“I have no appetite.” If he ate anything, he was positive he’d vomit. 

 

Kakashi hesitated. “I’ll be right outside. Ino offered first watch, so I’ll be back later.” 

 

Gai turned his back to him. He listened to Kakashi shuffle out of the tent, but did not fall asleep for a long time. 

 

The next morning they broke camp. Gai insisted on helping. Ino was correct - his body had recovered, and he was only a little sore. He moved silently, untalkative, and stayed behind as Kakashi and Ino went to speak with the civilian hostages, who were now considered refugees. They were weary, and wanted no further travel; the compassionate village agreed to house them while they waited for their countries’ respective delegates to arrive. 

 

Ino took point on their way back. Kakashi stayed with Gai, who walked slowly. He initiated a stream of one-sided discussion of their students’ progress, the expected autumnal season encroaching upon Konoha, and theorized the exact size of Tsunade’s breasts. 

 

Gai noticed Kakashi kept his distance but was watching him closely. He felt scrutinized, which multiplied his shame. But he had to trust Kakashi’s forgiveness, even if he could not trust himself. 

 

Kakashi gave up speaking as the days progressed. He was never one for small talk, and ran out of things to say. Gai was eager to get back to Konoha so he could flee Kakashi and be rid of this newfound awkwardness between them, but was not looking forward to making his official report.

 

A couple days later the wonderful Konoha gates loomed ahead. They signed in and entered the village proper. Ino restrained herself, sticking by Kakashi and Gai even when she spotted Chouji waving excitedly next to the less enthused Shikamaru. 

 

“No time to chat, bozoes,” she said, “I’ve got to go see the Hokage.” 

 

Chouji whined - “We were gonna take you out for dinner!” 

 

“Come off it,” Shikamaru reprimanded, “you just want an excuse to pig out.” He had seen the tense line of Ino’s shoulders. “We’ll meet up later.” 

 

Kakashi’s students were similarly disappointed, or Naruto was at least. “Sakura’s got a hospital shift. But I was thinking we could get some ramen and visit her! Last time I showed up unannounced she punched me through a wall, but I know her break starts soon, and - “

 

“Sorry, Naruto,” Kakashi said, not moving from Gai’s side. “I’ve got some things to work out.” 

 

“Ugh! That’s so lame.” 

 

Sai inched forward. “Naruto-kun, you really shouldn’t impose your company onto others when it’s clearly unwanted.” 

 

“You know what,  _ Sai _ , you really oughta learn when to keep your trap shut - “ They ignored Kakashi in favor of an impromptu wrestling match. Well, Naruto instigated it, and Sai merely reacted. 

 

Gai knew his beautiful students would not be so easily deterred, especially one student in particular. 

 

“Gai-sensei!” Rock Lee bounded down the street and abruptly halted with a quick bow. “I am sorry I was late! I have increased my training regimine in your absence by tenfold - I was just making my five hundredth lap around the village when I heard Naruto-kun yelling - “ 

 

Naruto looked up from Sai’s chokehold. “Hey!” 

 

“ - so I figured your team had arrived.” He inhaled and immediately spoke again. “I can assure you that my performance has not flagged! In fact, I am more than prepared for our sparring than ever!” He finished with a magnificent cool guy pose, his blinding smile forcing everyone to cover their eyes. 

 

Gai was moved by Rock Lee’s words. His most precious pupil could never know what had transpired mere days before - yet Gai could not teach under false pretenses, either. He struggled to make an excuse. Rock Lee resumed talking. 

 

“Neji and Tenten are currently catching a bite to eat. I thought we’d meet them and all four of us could go to the training grounds afterward. They won’t admit it, but I know the both of them have missed you as much as I have!” 

 

Gai stepped toward him. “Rock Lee, I am impressed with your dedication as usual. You never cease to amaze me. But as Kakashi said, there are some,” he fished for the correct word, “complications that need to be taken care of.”

 

Rock Lee’s smile fell. “Complications? Is everything all right? Wait - what happened to your hip and fashionable attire?” 

 

Kakashi put a hand on Gai’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Gai will work it out.” 

 

“Of course he will,” Rock Lee insisted, bristling. “Gai-sensei is the strongest shinobi there is! Whatever has happened, I am sure it will be dealt with accordingly.” He turned back to Gai. “When do you think you’ll be finished? I’ll let Neji and Tenten know.” 

 

“It grieves me, but I don’t think I will have time to spar,” Gai said, expending great effort to hide his sorrow. 

 

Rock Lee frowned. “But Gai-sensei, you’ve always said that training is the best way to decompress from a mission and reorient your mind.” 

 

“Yes, well - “ 

 

“Look, we really gotta go,” Ino interjected. At the same time, Kakashi squeezed Gai’s shoulder. 

 

Rock Lee spluttered, stepping side. “A-alright then.” 

 

It pained Gai to see his flummoxed expression. He could not think of any reassurances to offer. Ino and Kakashi pushed him forward, and he passed his student without a word.

 

Once they were a few streets away, Gai shrugged off Kakashi’s touch. 

 

“He’s a good kid,” Kakashi said. “He’ll understand.” 

 

Gai scowled. “Do not say that. He will never know what happened.” 

 

Ino looked back and forth between them. Gai was sick of forcing her to see two grown jounin caught in disagreements and fear - they were supposed to be an example. He briskly walked ahead.

 

They arrived at Tsunade’s office shortly. Gai stopped at the door, his anger deflating. He had to tell the Hokage. Memories crawled up his throat, churned in his stomach. And he had to tell the Hokage.

 

Ino went in first. She bowed. “Hokage-sama.”

 

Kakashi waited. Gai summed up his last dregs of courage and followed Ino.

 

His Rival walked around them both. He unshouldered his pack and turned it upside down, depositing the heads of the three missing-nin onto Tsunade’s desk. “There you go.” Gai wondered how thoroughly Kakashi had destroyed their bodies. 

 

Shizune hurried over and took the evidence out of the room. Tsunade blinked.

 

“Something happened, I presume?” 

 

Ino wrung her hands. Kakashi looked at Gai. Tsunade cocked a brow. 

 

“Okay. We’ll do this one at a time.” She addressed Kakashi and Ino. “You two, wait outside.” 

 

They went to the hall, shutting the door behind them.

 

“Gai, you’re not only an exemplary shinobi, but a huge loudmouth,” Tsunade said. “If something has troubled you to speechlessness, that’s cause for immediate concern. You don’t look significantly injured - so what is it?”

 

He fell into one of the chairs before her desk, and thought of the ANBU standing guard, listening in. “I apologize for my reluctance to divulge necessary information. I know it is unbecoming of a shinobi, especially in the presence of his Hokage.” 

 

Tsunade regarded him quizzically, then looked over her shoulder to the window behind her. “All of you, scram. I mean it.” A faint flicker of chakra signified the retreat of any ANBU present. “Is that better?” 

 

“No, it is not.” Gai straightened in his seat. He would face his damnation with dignity, or the scant amount of it he had left. “The brave civilians we were sent to rescue had already defeated the majority of their captors. Ino tended to them, while Kakashi and I battled two of the three leaders. They were eliminated sufficiently.” Gai cleared his throat. “The strongest of the three was hiding amongst the civilians, and upon the death of her partners, revealed herself. She used blades infused with chakra. I was already wounded, and she somehow manipulated her chakra into my bloodstream and nervous system through the open wound - Ino-chan attempted a Mind Body Switch to reverse the effects, learned the missing-nin’s intent but was unsuccessful in stopping her - and the kunoichi obtained full control of my body.” 

 

Tsunade knew the details of this group, including those of its prime leader. Surely, she understood where this was going, but betrayed nothing. “Then what?”

 

“Kakashi ordered Ino-chan to retreat with the civilians. The missing-nin mentioned something about one of Kakashi’s previous missions involving herself, when she was young and victimized - she considered the mission a failure, and misguidedly sought retribution of the same victimization against him personally.” 

 

He stopped, unable to go on. Tsunade set two sake cups on her desk, and filled them to the brim. “In my experience, this can help.” She knocked the sake back and rose to stand directly in front of him. “Have some.” 

 

Gai followed her suggestion. He allowed the alcohol to sear down his throat. It did not help. 

 

“Just get it over with,” Tsunade ordered. 

 

He crawled out of his chair. He groveled at her feet, his forehead pressed against the floor. She looked down at him with wide eyes. 

 

“Hokage-sama, I have made a grave offense against my fellow Leaf shinobi! I was forced to act out the missing-nin’s fetishtic retribution against Hatake Kakashi. She commanded me to do so against my will. I pinned Kakashi down. I removed his clothing.” Gai gasped, choking on his next words. “I prepared to violate him. With the use of shadow clones, Kakashi escaped my grasp. His real body appeared behind the missing-nin. He disposed of her skillfully and I regained function. But the damage had been done. I accept any punishment you deem fit!” 

 

“Get the hell up.” 

 

Gai scrambled to his feet. Tsunade watched him for a minute before speaking. 

 

“It’s not unheard of. You were manipulated by an enemy. There was a chance of this happening. I knew it, you knew it. The extent of that manipulation was unexpected, but immaterial. Kakashi was unharmed, as were you. Your team completed all of the mission’s objectives. There is nothing more you could have done.” Her voice took on a more sympathetic tone. “I understand the psychological effects following this will not be easily overcome. Take a few days off, and come back. We’ll see where to go from there.” 

 

“But, Hokage-sama - “ 

 

She held up a hand. “That will be all. I never want to see you at my feet again.” 

 

“Yes, Hokage-sama.” 

 

Tsunade poured another cup of sake. Gai exited her office. Across the hallway, Kakashi and Ino moved from the wall. 

 

Gai left. 

 

He went to his apartment. He took a long shower. He ran one thousand laps around the village. By the time he got back home, his body was on fire. He did alternating sets of one hundred pushups and situps. He went through every innumerable kata he knew, ten times. He drank a glass of water. He did not eat. He took another shower. He polished each piece of weaponry he owned. It was dark outside. He could not sleep. He did not want to sleep, because he knew nightmares would frighten him awake. He went out to the farthest training ground and punched trees and rocks to dust. 

 

Finally, he collapsed. His chest heaved with desperate breaths. The stars oscillated above him. One constellation traveled to the other side of the sky. He’d been laying there for hours. He got up. He went to his apartment. He sat on the floor. He stared at the wall. It was dawn. He did not sleep. He did not cry. He had no more tears. 

 

There was a knock at the window. Kakashi entered his apartment without permission. He pulled his mask down again; part of a new routine, it seemed. 

 

“You’re going to kill yourself.” It was meant as a joke, but Kakashi did not sound amused. 

 

Gai didn’t move. “Please leave.” 

 

“Your kids have been asking me about you. Neji and Tenten are worried now, too. They’ll get Naruto roped into this soon enough. It’ll be bad news.” 

 

Guilt ripped at Gai’s heart. “I don’t know how to face them,” he confessed. 

 

Kakashi poked him with his foot. “Well, they certainly can’t see you looking like this. Have you ate?” 

 

“A little,” Gai lied. 

 

“Sure you did.” Kakashi went into his kitchen. Gai didn’t look to see what he was doing. He came back, holding a bowl of egg on rice. He squatted, and thrusted the bowl and a pair of chopsticks at Gai’s nose. “If you don’t eat this, I’m going to dramatically read all three volumes of  _ Icha Icha Paradise _ out loud.”

 

Gai’s lips quirked. It was not a smile, not even close, but Kakashi grinned back anyway, his canines showing. 

 

“Your cooking leaves much to be desired, Rival,” Gai chastised, “but I would eat five hundred of your meals to avoid that.” He accepted the bowl gratefully, and attempted to feign nonchalance. “How did the rest of the report go?” 

 

“The old hag kept Ino in there for about three hours,” Kakashi complained, settling down. 

 

“You should not refer to our Hokage so disrespectfully.” 

 

“She hides her age. I’m just making sure the truth is known.” 

 

“I hope you don’t say it in front of her, at least.” 

 

“It happened once, and I got a broken jaw.” 

 

“As you deserved.”

 

“Anyway,” Kakashi pressed his foot against Gai’s knee, “I went in last.”

 

Gai lowered his chopsticks. “And?” 

 

Kakashi shrugged. “Explained what happened. Told her I was fine. Reemphasized the fact it wasn’t your fault multiple times. She wholeheartedly agreed.” 

 

The bowl clunked down onto the floor, half-finished. “Kakashi - “ 

 

“I’ll drop it,” Kakashi vowed, “just keep eating.” 

 

Gai knit his brows. He picked up the food and resumed taking small bites. “You said my students approached you? What did you tell them?” 

 

“Nothing specific, I promise. Enough to get them off your case.”

 

“Thank you.” Kakashi was a good friend, protecting his honor when he had no reason to. The next bite of rice was difficult to swallow. “I don’t know what to do.” 

 

“They’re not so young anymore, Gai, they can take it. Plus, they’re crazy about you - and they always will be.” 

 

Gai finished his food, thinking. Kakashi watched him. A few minutes passed. Gai didn’t remember slumping to the floor and falling asleep. He didn’t remember Kakashi carrying him to bed, either. So when he startled awake and felt the soft sheets, he looked around in confusion. 

 

Kakashi was reading his copy of  _ Icha Icha  _ in the corner of the room. “You’re awake.”

 

“You drugged me.” It explained the lack of nightmares.

 

“Would you have slept otherwise?” 

 

Gai sat up. He rubbed his face. “What time is it?” 

 

“Hmmm.” Kakashi peeked through the window curtains. “Maybe three in the afternoon.” 

 

Gai dropped back into the pillows. Unless a mission required it, he hadn’t gotten up later than five in the morning for years. 

 

Kakashi shut his book. The floor creaked as he approached. “Do you mind?” 

 

Gai rolled over. Kakashi slipped under the covers. 

 

“Your feet are cold, Rival.”

 

“Go back to bed, Gai. It’s one lazy day. Tomorrow, you can train with your kids, all you want.” 

 

Gai didn’t understand Kakashi being so close to him. It wasn’t that it felt unpleasant; it felt very nice. But it confused and worried him. If it was what Kakashi wanted, though, he would allow it, partly because he knew Kakashi would leave him alone if he truly requested it. Having his solid frame pressed against his back was anchoring. Kakashi controlled the situation. So Gai allowed it. 

 

Kakashi’s arms wound around his torso. “Go to bed,” he repeated. “I’m right here, see?” He shoved his cold feet against Gai’s legs. 

 

The sleeping pills - Kakashi probably pilfered them from Ino - had worn off. There was nothing to mask what was hiding in Gai’s subconscious. He stiffened in Kakashi’s arms. 

 

“I don’t know if you should be here,” he said to the wall. “Seeing me like this.” 

 

Kakashi caught on. “Do you remember, when Minato-sensei died?” 

 

Gai tried turning around, but Kakashi prohibited this movement. He humphed, and rubbed a loose thread on the pillowcase between his fingers. “Of course.” 

 

“You were so annoying. Always checking up on me. Staying with me. That one night, when I woke up screaming. You were there.” For a moment, Gai thought he felt Kakashi’s nose on the back of his neck, like he was scenting him; it was weirdly dog-like, and comforting. “I’m just returning the favor.” 

 

“Okay,” Gai said. 

 

He laid awake for a long time. Even when Kakashi started snoring in his ear. Eventually, however, he fell asleep.

 

First, there was just an oppressive darkness, an inescapable anxiety. Then the world focused into something more peaceful. It was sunny. Kakashi stood in the middle of a training ground. 

 

“I’ve got a challenge for you.” 

 

“I accept, Rival!” 

 

“But I didn’t say what it was.” 

 

Gai struck one of his cool poses. “It doesn’t matter - I will never back down!” 

 

“Have sex with me, Gai.” 

 

Gai faltered. “What?” 

 

“Don’t you want to? I know you do. It’ll be like  _ Icha Icha Paradise. _ ” 

 

“You can’t be serious, Rival…”

 

But then Gai was throwing Kakashi to the ground. Kakashi landed roughly. It was not sunny anymore. Kakashi struggled underneath him. “Not like this,” he protested. “Gai, stop it.” 

 

Gai did not stop. He flipped Kakashi onto his front. He grabbed Kakashi’s pants. He pulled them down. 

 

The kunoichi missing-nin haunted the edge of the training ground. Rock Lee appeared behind her, Neji and Tenten in tow. They froze, terrified. “Sensei! What are you doing?” 

 

“Not like this,” Kakashi said. “Don’t let them see.” He pulled his hand free and slapped Gai across the face. 

 

He was conscious again. Gai fell out of bed, onto his knees. Kakashi was leaning over the side of the mattress. “You were yelling. I couldn’t wake you up - I’m sorry.” 

 

“This was a bad idea,” Gai gasped. “You need to go.” 

 

“I don’t want to.” 

 

“Please, just go.” 

 

Gai stumbled to the bathroom and clutched the toilet. He vomited the egg over rice Kakashi had made. He vomited until all that came up was clear saliva, and after that, he dry heaved. 

 

Kakashi sat behind him, rubbed slow circles into his back until he flushed the toilet and rested his forehead on the cold edge of the bathtub.

 

“Kakashi,” Gai moaned. He wanted him to leave, but knew he would long for his comradery the second it was gone. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

 

Gai uncurled from the bathtub and decided to lay down. The tiles cooled his hot skin. “No.” 

 

“Do you mind if I talk about it?” 

 

He didn’t say anything. Kakashi kept his back against the wall, a foot of space between them. 

 

“I feel guilty,” Kakashi admitted. 

 

Gai looked at him. “How?” 

 

“It was a  _ clone _ . I wasn’t experiencing it in the moment. You were. You got it a lot worse than I did.” 

 

“But you still remember - “ 

 

“Secondhand. I had to wait. I knew what you were going through, and I had to wait for the right time. But I was only listening, observing. I might have inherited the memory, but it wasn’t exactly my own. It doesn’t make any of this better, but I need you to know that.” 

 

“You’re right,” Gai said. He peeled himself off the floor. “It does not make me feel better.” 

 

Kakashi took a deep breath. “When the clone disappeared. All I could think of was the pain in your eyes. I can still see it now. i want to take it away. What can I do?” 

 

Gai wished he had a suitable answer. “There is nothing, Rival.” 

 

“I don’t believe that,” Kakashi said. “I can’t believe that. This isn’t going to break you, Gai.” 

 

“It already has.” 

 

Kakashi scoffed. He pulled his mask back up and stood. “Get up.” 

 

Gai rose in front of him. 

 

Kakashi briskly exited the bathroom. Gai had no choice but to follow. Kakashi rifled through his apartment and located his collection of ankle weights. He tossed a pair at Gai’s stomach. 

 

“Rival - “ 

 

“Put them on.” Gai did. “Let’s go.” 

 

Kakashi lead him outside of the village. Konoha’s surrounding forest was flush with signs of autumn. A few trees were prematurely reddening. Leaves detached with the soft breeze, falling gently to the ground; squirrels kicked them up in a mad hunt for nuts and berries. 

 

They arrived at a small clearing. Kakashi stilled, and motioned for Gai to stand across from him.

 

“Rival, I do not want to spar - “ 

 

“We aren’t going to.” Kakashi revealed his Sharingan. “Do you trust me?” 

 

The answer to that question would never change. “With my life.” 

 

“I’m going to try something,” Kakashi informed, and threw Gai into a genjutsu. 

 

The clearing stayed exactly the same. Gai shifted between either foot, waiting. “What is the meaning of this?” 

 

“Think of it as a do-over,” Kakashi said. 

 

A third form entered the clearing, slotting herself between them. Gai’s heart hammered. 

 

“She’s not real,” Kakashi reminded him. “You can do whatever you want.” 

 

Gai shook his head clear. She wasn’t real - of course. He moved his foot back, eyes narrowing, and took a steadying breath. “I am ready.” 

 

The kunoichi’s chakra blades activated. She silently danced around Gai, slashing her blades, but none of them connected. He dodged each of her moves. He bent low to the ground and swung his leg. She fell, jumped right back up. Gai hit her again, with more force. She rolled away immediately; his second punch broke empty ground. 

 

“Keep going,” Kakashi encouraged. 

 

Gai nodded. He slid into his body, buffered by a calm concentration. The kunoichi’s blade nicked his side. He paid no mind and sprinted behind her. She turned, alarmed, was sent flying across the clearing with another kick.

 

Before she could rise, Gai was on top of her. He held her down by the throat and slammed his fist into her grinning face repeatedly. The ease of battle was gone, replaced with animalistic rage as he pummeled her features until they were broken mush. His knuckles bled. He hit her again and again, again and again, again and - 

 

Kakashi did not stop him or release the genjutsu. He only watched. Gai roared, picked up the kunoichi’s legs, and spun her body in the air. He tossed her to the other side of the clearing, leapt and landed at her side. He snapped all of her limbs over his knee. He broke every bone in her body.  _ There is something so satisfying in retribution, is there not?  _ Indeed, there was. 

 

She was unrecognizable, a lump of gorged muscle, organs, and bones. There was no stench of death that usually accompanied these sights. Only the crisp, fresh smell of the forest. It was that which brought Gai back to his senses. He dropped to the ground beside her corpse. 

 

Kakashi walked over. Gai was emotionless, no longer full of rage or sorrow. He felt empty, expunged. The kunoichi disappeared with the genjutsu. Kakashi lowered next to him. They sat meditatively, listening to the trees and the birds and the squirrels. 

 

“Thank you,” Gai murmured after some time. He realized this was what he needed. The loss of control was troubling, but necessary to vent his emotions. His body felt good, electrified with exercise, unlike the previous day when he’d merely pushed himself to masochistic fatigue. 

 

He caught Kakashi in a surprise lunge. They tumbled through the grass. Gai rose on top of him. His throat locked with memory. Noticing this, Kakashi neatly flipped them around, so his knees pressed against Gai’s chest. Gai liked the pressure, the feel of Kakashi’s hands on his wrists, his back digging into the ground. Kakashi stared at him from above.

 

Gai twitched his arm; Kakashi released, but only the one wrist. Gai tugged his mask down, palmed his jaw, grazed his mole. Experimentally, he pushed Kakashi’s lip up and poked his teeth with the pad of his thumb. They were sharp. 

 

“I’ll bite you,” Kakashi mumbled. 

 

“No you won’t.” Gai continued up the bridge of Kakashi’s nose, to his eyelashes underneath the Sharingan. 

 

“Gai,” Kakashi warned, growing flustered. 

 

_ As for the nakedness, I might’ve wished it happened differently _ , he’d said. Gai let his hand drop to his side, and asked, “What did you mean?” 

 

Kakashi’s brow furrowed. His mouth twisted into what could only be described as a pout. “About what?” 

 

“Seeing you naked,” Gai said. 

 

“Oh - well, you know.” . 

 

“Do I?” Gai questioned. 

 

Kakashi’s answer was resolute. “Yes. You have to.” 

 

Even with Kakashi’s weight on top of him, Gai’s chest felt lightened. “For all your books, you’ve never been forward, Rival. What changed?” 

 

“I’m a gentleman now, I suppose.” 

 

“Definitely not,” Gai refuted. 

 

“Okay - I’ve had issues, in the past.” 

 

“I am well aware.” 

 

“But things are different. With what happened. I realized that some possibilities might be gone, now. Are they?” 

 

“It is always possible,” Gai said. “I admit, I do not understand your sudden urgency, considering the situation - “ 

 

“ _ Gai _ , I told you - “ 

 

“ - but I could never deprive you of anything, Rival.” 

 

Kakashi touched his cheek. “Well, it’s not just about me. You need to want it, too.”

 

“I do, but.” Gai looked away, embarrassed by his next words. “It needs to be like this.” He pulled Kakashi’s legs tighter against him. “For now, at least.” 

 

“Understandable,” Kakashi said. “I’m fine with whatever.”  

 

“I’m sure you are.” 

 

“Hey!” Kakashi ruffled Gai’s hair, like they were boys again. 

 

Gai pushed Kakashi off of him. His Eternal Rival - caught off guard! - coughed, spitting out grass. 

 

Gai sat up. “I need to talk to my students.” 

 

Kakashi stilled. “You going to be okay?” 

 

“Yes,” Gai said, “I think.” 

 

“Good luck, then. See you - “ 

 

Gai bent over and gave him a small, chaste kiss. 

 

He pulled away. Kakashi blinked. “See you later, I guess.” 

 

“See you later,” Gai mirrored, and walked back to the village. 

 

His students were the best, so of course they were at the training grounds. Rock Lee seemed to be directing Neji and Tenten through a series of taijutsu moves. 

 

Tenten saw him first. She dropped her stance. “Gai-sensei!” 

 

“What?!” Rock Lee shoved past her. “Let me see!” 

 

“Guys,” Neji said, straightening behind Tenten, but gave up restraint.

 

The three of them hurried over, Rock Lee taking the lead. “Gai-sensei, are you feeling better? Kakashi-sensei kept telling us to ‘fuck off’ - “ Gai hid his amusement at Rock Lee’s language “ - but we were persistent! He said you just needed time to relax, so I took it upon myself to condition Neji and Tenten extra hard!”

 

“ _ Extra _ hard,” Tenten emphasized scornfully. “It’s stuff worse than what you put us through, sensei.” 

 

Neji’s lilac eyes sparkled with determination as he lifted his chin. “It wasn’t that bad.” 

 

Tenten slapped him on the back. “You didn’t even finish all four hundred one-handed pushups!”

 

“I may have went a little overboard,” Rock Lee surmised, “but it was only because I knew you’d come back to whip us into shape, sensei!” He slammed his fist into his palm. “We needed to be totally prepared!” 

 

“You’re feeling better, right?” Tenten asked. “That’s why you’re here.” 

 

Gai lowered his head. His students frowned, concerned. But then Gai burst into a super sensational pose, his legs wide apart and arms akimbo. “You three have amazed me with your independence, dedication, and patience! I’ve got the best students of all! Training with such diligence, incessantly badgering my Rival - I cannot express how much this means to me. Why, my joy has moved me to tears!” 

 

“Oh, Gai-sensei!” Rock Lee flung at him and they cried together. Far less emotional, Tenten and Neji entered the group hug and did not move, even when it dragged on for a whole ten minutes. 

 

Gai basked in his students presence, thankful for their support. Finally he extracted himself and wiped his eyes. “However, there is something we need to discuss.” 

 

“The mission,” Neji said, ever observant. “It was bad.” 

 

“Yes.” Gai fought against the shameful anxiety rising within him. 

 

“How bad?” Tenten asked cautiously. It was true that she’d never seen her sensei so out of sorts. As long as she’d known him, he’d been a bastion of unyielding strength. 

 

“Very bad, I’m afraid,” Gai said. 

 

Rock Lee nodded. “Worry not! You’ve helped us so much, and now it is our turn to help you.” 

 

Gai swallowed a fresh round of tears. “How about I treat you all to dinner at my place, to make up for slacking off?” 

 

“Slacking off? Gai-sensei, that is highly unnecessary - “ 

 

Tenten elbowed Rock Lee. “Sure. That sounds great.” 

 

“We’d like that a lot,” Neji added. 

 

Accustomed to Gai’s overpoweringly nutritional diets, they knew all of his recipes, and assisted him in making a giant pot of Super Extreme Spicy Curry. Gai tried not to think about what took place that morning with Kakashi but recognized he hadn’t actually kept any food down; he was starving. His students didn’t comment on his several second helpings, and instead discussed their training regimine under Rock Lee’s leadership. It sounded like he did go overboard, but Neji and Tenten would not explicitly admit so.

 

Eventually, conversation hit a lull. Gai brought the dishes into the kitchen. His students followed adamantly and washed the bowls out for him, fighting for room at the sink. Gai sat at the table and marveled at their youth, but reminded himself that, in spite of it, they were no longer innocent or undeserving of the full truth. 

 

Neji made everyone oolong tea and poured it out with as much grace as one would expect from the Hyuuga clan. It was quiet, and a serious atmosphere overtook the kitchen table as the teenagers sat down with their tea. They looked at Gai expectantly - it was time. 

 

Gai attempted to spare them of the details, but knew it was unfair and went on to divulge the entire story from beginning to end. His students blanched once he got to the worst of it. Rock Lee in particular looked sick, Tenten covered her mouth to quiet shocked whimpers, and the veins at Neji’s temples tensed as if he were activating the Byakugan.

 

“And that is why, you see, I could not face you upon my return,” Gai told Rock Lee, though it was directed at all of his students. He struggled to not breakdown. “I am so sorry. I failed you. I am a disgrace upon Konoha, and you three as your sensei.” He ducked his head. 

 

The teapot to fell and shattered on the floor. Gai looked up, expecting Rock Lee, but it was Neji who had stood. In some way that made it worse, seeing his usually collected student shaking with rage. Rock Lee and Tenten were equally surprised. Gai prepared himself, thinking the rage was directed at him. 

 

“You are not a disgrace,” Neji proclaimed. “That wretched woman who did this to you is a disgrace! Using your bond with Kakashi-sensei against you, debilitating your body and mind, turning you against your own teammate - “ He cut off, glancing at Rock Lee; Gai wondered what thoughts were going through his mind. Perhaps,  _ This could have happened to me _ . Neji faced him again, his shoulders broadening. “You would never do that! You are honorable and kind - one of the best shinobi in this village! That is an undeniable truth.” With the authority of his Hyuuga lineage, he pledged, “I will not let this incident force you to think otherwise. It was not your fault.” 

 

Gai had no words. Rock Lee was nodding in agreement through his tears as Tenten gripped his arm. 

 

“Neji,” Gai began, “I do not think you understand. I - “ 

 

“I won’t hear you talk about yourself like this any longer. It is simply false.” 

 

Tenten spread her palms flat on the table. “Sensei, what Neji is trying to say is that we are sorry you endured such a tragedy. But that’s just it - you’ve endured. You’ve survived. You always do - and you taught us how to survive, too.”

 

Neji and Tenten both quieted when Rock Lee walked around the table and got on his knees, clasping Gai’s hands. 

 

“Rock Lee, please,” Gai croaked. 

 

With all the conviction in the world, Rock Lee spoke. “You showed me my own potential when no one else saw it, and when I did not believe I had any myself. I am forever indebted to you, sensei, no matter what. This vile act which transpired is horrible.” Rock Lee’s voice hitched; he never had stopped crying. “But you are not. You told me no person is ever a lost cause, and that we should never give up on our friends. To see you going back on your word, when you’ve given up on yourself, it is truly - “ He planted his face into Gai’s lap and hugged him tightly. “It is truly the worst thing I could ever imagine!” 

 

Gai curled over the boy as Rock Lee’s entire body heaved with deep sobs. “I am sorry, Rock Lee.” He looked up at Neji and Tenten, both of whom had joined them. “All of you. I did not expect my words to strike your hearts so.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Tenten assured. She wrapped around Gai’s shoulders, placed her head on top of his. “We just want you to be okay.” 

 

Neji knelt beside Rock Lee and put a hand on his shaking back. “Whatever it takes,” he told Gai.

 

Gai erupted into vicious bawling. The noise clawed out of his chest, alternating with lungfuls of oxygen. His students huddled around him - the only thing which kept him from falling apart. It was his second group hug of the day. He was certainly the luckiest sensei in all of the elemental nations. 

 

Slowly, the emotion subsided, and his students pulled away. Tenten offered Rock Lee and Gai each an entire roll of paper towel, as Neji cleaned the broken teapot off the floor. Once everyone had collected themselves, Gai took them out to train. They were more than eager to warm up with thirty laps around the village, followed by a strenuous workout at the training grounds which consisted of picking up boulders unaided by chakra. Afterward, Gai had them attack him all at once. He evaded the brunt of their offense, of course, but was proud whenever they managed to glance a passing blow. Their teamwork was seamless and their execution flawless. He considered it their victory, even though they complained it did not count because he was unscathed. Admonishing their disobedience, he made them swim in the river for two hours, but it only devolved into a water fight that he was eventually dragged into. 

 

They ended up splayed out on the riverbank in their undershirts, drying off underneath the crimson sunset. For the first time since returning from his mission, Gai felt at peace. He celebrated with another spar and this time let his students overpower him. They knew it was a farce, and complained some more whilst sitting on top of him. 

 

Once the sun dipped low behind the trees and the sky darkened to an evening violet, Gai told them all to go home. They were slow to follow his instruction, unwilling to let him out of their sight now that he was back to his old self. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Gai said, “I will not force myself into solitude again. I am meeting with Kakashi!” 

 

“Oh yeah?” Tenten asked. She was tying her hair back up into its twin buns. “What’re you gonna do?” 

 

“Tenten! Are you insinuating something I don’t want to hear?” 

 

“You’re going on a date or something,” Neji said, smirking. “Right?” 

 

Gai reddened. “Not at all!” 

 

Tenten ignored him. “It’s about time, I’d say. You’ve been falling all over each other since we were  _ genin _ .” 

 

Rock Lee inserted himself between his teammates. “What Gai-sensei does with his Rival is none of our business! Neji, I hoped you would understand that.” 

 

“We aren’t those kind of rivals, Lee,” Neji flatly asserted. “I think you’re missing the point.” 

 

Rock Lee’s face dawned with realization. He beamed, veritable hearts shooting from his eyes. “Gai-sensei! You are in love!” 

 

“Ah,” Gai sighed, “I should have known. You three are too intelligent and know me too well. I can’t hide anything from you.” 

 

“For how long,” Rock Lee demanded, “since when? Is that why Kakashi-sensei told us to ‘fuck off,’ because he wants to hog you all to himself? I won’t let him!” 

 

“It’s nothing like that,” Gai amended, chuckling nervously. “But to answer your question, well.” He’d never thought of his feelings for Kakashi that much; they came organically. It was an altogether simple matter. “I don’t know. I’ve loved him for a very long time. Even before my affections were so strong, I always knew that one day they would grow into the limitless capacity such as they are now.” He flashed a peace sign. “Wish your sensei good luck!” 

 

“Good luck, sensei,” Rock Lee cheered. 

 

“We’re going to hear all about it tomorrow,” Tenten swore. 

 

Neji started shepherding them away. “Let’s leave sensei alone for now. Please. I’ve heard enough.”

 

Gai watched their departing silhouettes fondly. Once they were out of sight, he put his hands on his hips and addressed a tall tree overlooking the river. “You can come down now.” 

 

“Oh no, I’ve been caught,” Kakashi blandly lamented. He’d been outstretched on a branch reading his book, and presently hopped down. His mask was up, but Gai saw happiness within his single visible eye. “I told you so,” he goaded. 

 

Gai did not comment on Kakashi’s stalkerish habits. “Yes, your indelible intellect never ceases to amaze me.” 

 

Kakashi pocketed his hands. He put all of his weight on one foot, cool and aloof. “Are you calling me a smartass?” 

 

“Of course not, Rival,” Gai lied. “I would never!” 

 

“Nice speech,” Kakashi commended. 

 

“It was the truth.” Gai put his arms down, sheepish. “I am curious to know your own thoughts of me.” 

 

Kakashi checked over his shoulder. “Is Rock Lee around? I don’t want him to beat me up in the name of your heart, or whatever.” 

 

“Kakashi!” Gai closed the space between them. “Rock Lee knows you are the epitome of chivalrous honor.” 

 

“He might have to lower his expectations.” Kakashi took his hand. “Let’s discuss this in private.” 

 

Gai looked at their joined hands, astonished, but Kakashi pulled him at such a fast pace through the village he knew no one would see them. 

 

“I have a door,” he pointed out after they tumbled through the window of his apartment. 

 

“But this is more fun,” Kakashi said. He sniffed the air. “You made curry. I want leftovers!” 

 

Gai supposed he could eat some leftovers as well. They ate together in front of the TV and as an asinine game show played. 

 

“I don’t understand,” Gai mumbled. “They are courting each other but just met? This is ridiculous.” 

 

“Obviously they don’t know a damn thing,” Kakashi assented, propped against Gai’s side. “Personally, I like to wait twenty years before confessing my undying love.” 

 

Gai coughed. “Twenty years? Undying love?” 

 

Kakashi shrugged and plucked the bits of fallen food off the front of Gai’s jumpsuit. “Pretty much.” 

 

“You are intolerable, Rival! It is like pulling teeth out of a dog’s mouth.” 

 

“You’ve never had to do that,” Kakashi said in a way that implied he actually had. He put their bowls of leftovers to the side and laid his head in Gai’s lap, mouth and both eyes bared yet again. “Gai, my love for you springs from an unending fountain of passion. When I see you, my heart bursts at its seams. Just as a monsoon cannot contain its force and the sun cannot contain its light, I cannot contain my yearning devotion for you.” 

 

Gai smacked him playfully. “That’s just from one of your stories!” 

 

“But it encapsulates my feelings so accurately,” Kakashi grinned. He dodged another one of Gai’s hits, turning to hide against his stomach. “I never realized how tough and sexy your abs are.” 

 

“Rival!” Gai pried him off and held him flat against his lap. “I challenge you to honestly speak from your heart!” 

 

Kakashi slapped the back of his hand against his forehead in fake distress. “You got me there. Whatever shall I do?” 

 

“Speak now, or I will tell the whole village you are scared of cats!” 

 

“I’m not scared of cats,” Kakashi told him, “they’re just creepy and soulless.” He collected his thoughts, and grew serious. “Ever since we were kids, you were after me. You didn’t care about my father, or the fact I was taught under the Yondaime, or even when I got into the ANBU and you didn’t. You just saw me for who I was - an arrogant asshole who needed to be knocked down a peg.” 

 

“I wouldn’t have described you that way exactly,” Gai said, though he knew it was true. 

 

“Semantics,” Kakashi dismissed, and continued. “Anyway, you were the only person I knew who didn’t want anything from me. You just expected me to be at my best. All you wanted was to get even. I never thought you’d catch up - but you did, and before I knew it, you were pushing me to get better, too. And then,” he grimaced, “and then everything happened, and you were by my side all the way through it, no matter how much I tried pushing you away. Looking back, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You weren’t just my Eternal Rival - you were my Eternal Friend.” 

 

Gai tightened his hold on Kakashi, trembling with emotion. “That is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard you say.” 

 

“I’m not done,” Kakashi chided. “So, we got older. I left the ANBU. We were both jounins. We got our teams. I had watched you prove to the whole village that you were one of the best shinobi ever, just like you proved it to me. I was proud. Even when you accomplished your goals, you still made time for me. Always. I realized how important that was. How much I needed it.” His voice softened. “How much I needed you.” 

 

“Kakashi…” 

 

He quickly moved on. “But of course, I’m an idiot when it comes to this stuff. I didn’t know how to go about it. I figured you’d make the first move but I guess you’re too nice and respectful to even try, and I could never make myself do it, until, you know. Until now. When I know what’s at stake. That’s it, I guess.” 

 

“You cannot play it off cool and hip in front of me, Rival,” Gai told him. He leaned down, almost cradling Kakashi. “I appreciate your words. They fill me with an immeasurable amount of joy. Now, please make the first move. You have my permission.” 

 

Kakashi broke out of Gai’s hold and surged upward. He captured Gai’s jaw in his hands and kissed him hungrily. It was different from their bashful kiss in the forest - this time open-mouthed and wet, teeth clacking. Gai groaned when Kakashi sunk his canines into his bottom lip. “We should - move, I think.” 

 

Kakashi took another page from  _ Icha Icha Paradise _ and swept him up in his arms. 

 

“You’re such a fool,” Gai laughed. 

 

“A fool for you.” Kakashi kicked his bedroom door open, dropped Gai onto the mattress, and crawled on top of him. Immediately their mouths locked together again. Gai could not believe it. He wondered how it compared to Kakashi’s pornographic literature, if they were doing it right or wrong or if it even mattered. 

 

Kakashi pulled away, and Gai braced his palms against his stomach, stopping him from leaning back down. “What is it?” Kakashi impatiently demanded. 

 

“I need to tell you something.” Gai was not embarrassed, but he didn’t know how Kakashi would take the news. “I - ah, I have never done this before.” 

 

“Me neither.” 

 

Gai frowned. “What?” 

 

“I mean I’m a thirty year old virgin, Gai. So we’re both unflowered - that makes the whole condom thing a lot simpler.” 

 

“But, your books - “ 

 

“They’re a fun read. But I’ve never had a lot of time for things like this. And I don’t like people touching me unless it’s you. What’s your reason?” 

 

“I’ve never loved anyone like you,” Gai confessed. “So I waited.” 

 

“You waited,” Kakashi repeated. “You have one of the hunkiest builds in all of Konoha, and you waited for me.” 

 

“Yes.” Gai yanked Kakashi down by his shirt, so their noses touched. “Did you call me hunky?” 

 

Kakashi’s mouth spread into a genuine, giddy smile. “You’re insane.” They smashed together, chest to chest. It was sloppy and there was too much spit and a lot of accidental biting, but Gai didn’t care. “I’m going to make love to you,” Kakashi announced. He spread his knees on either side of Gai’s hips. “I’m going to worship your body like it’s a shrine.” He continued with his irreverent monologue as he struggled to dispose of Gai’s jumpsuit, but soon cursed and simply cut it open with a kunai. “I’ll get you another one.” It’d been Gai’s second destroyed jumpsuit in only a week.

 

Things slowed after that. Kakashi ran his hands down Gai’s exposed torso. His fingernails caught against chest hair, muscle ridges, and countless puckered scars. Gai’s sides bellowed in and out as he unraveled under Kakashi’s touch. He raised up to peel the rest of his jumpsuit off. It tangled under his legs; they both ignored it. Kakashi’s eyes darkened at the sight of his six pack and the chiseled V-line below. Gai curled his back, offering himself - it was only fair, to let Kakashi to see all of him for as long as he wanted. 

 

“I’m - I’m just going to…” Kakashi curled his thumbs over the hem of Gai’s underwear and removed the garment. “Oh, gods, Gai,” he moaned. 

 

“What is it?” Gai looked down. “Is there something wrong?” 

 

“You’re huge,” Kakashi told him. Gai thought he saw Kakashi’s mouth water. 

 

“It’s nothing, really,” Gai said. Years spent pleasuring himself rendered him immune to the weight of his girth in his hand; plus he had no standard by which to measure. 

 

“One day,” Kakashi murmured, perhaps subconsciously. He reigned his thoughts and sat back, about to take his shirt off. 

 

Gai stopped him. “This is fine, as we are.” 

 

“I don’t mind,” Kakashi said. 

 

“I like it this way,” Gai insisted. He could not allow himself the same privilege of seeing Kakashi’s wondrous physique, not when it had been recently forced upon him without either of their initiation. “Please. This is fine. One day,” he promised somberly, echoing Kakashi’s same words. 

 

Kakashi said nothing more. He moved to the edge of the bed and finished discarding Gai’s jumpsuit, along with the leg warmers and ankle weights. He cupped Gai’s legs, traveled up his shins and thighs. He stopped at his hip bones, and blinked. “We need lubricant.” 

 

“Oh.” Gai racked his brain for anything in his apartment suited to their purposes. “There is vegetable oil in the kitchen.”

 

“No.” 

 

“Ummm...I keep vaseline in the bathroom, for minor injuries.” 

 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you just start with that?” He ran to the bathroom and back with the speed of an elite shinobi, and quickly reinserted himself between Gai’s legs. The tub of vaseline slanted down the dip in the mattress and rested against Gai’s side. 

 

“Are you okay?” Kakashi asked, circling his thumbs into Gai’s hip bones. 

 

“Yes,” Gai said. He clenched his fists. “Delight in my body however you please, Rival!”

 

Kakashi snorted; it was a cute noise, and Gai melted at the sound. “Sure, Gai, whatever you say…” He did not immediately use the vaseline, but went back to roaming Gai’s dark, olive-toned skin - not only with his eyes, but with his mouth and hands. Gai whimpered and writhed. 

 

He felt himself hardening, the wait becoming unbearable. “Hurry,” he pleaded.

 

“Alright, alright.” Despite his words, Kakashi was not exasperated or taking this lightly. Gai could see the want building up within him, as well; the Sharingan darted over his body, halting at his erection. Kakashi’s hand shook when he took hold of its base. They both gasped sharply. “You’re huge,” Kakashi reiterated. 

 

“You’ve mentioned that,” Gai grit out. He stared at the ceiling - if he looked down to see Kakashi grasping him so intimately, he knew he would probably explode. 

 

Kakashi pumped him once, twice. Gai yelled out. 

 

“What is it?” Kakashi snatched his hand back. 

 

“Nothing! But - if you do that again, this might not last.”

 

“Okay. I definitely won’t give you a blow job, then.” 

 

“Oh, please stop,” Gai begged, trying not to imagine such a tantalizing sight or the feel of Kakashi’s sharp teeth around his most private appendage.

 

Kakashi splayed his fingers on Gai’s chest, attempting to calm him; his heart pounded underneath Kakashi’s palm. “I just wanted to take this slow, is all.” 

 

“Your courtesy is greatly appreciated,” Gai said, “but if you do not hurry up I think it will be too late.” 

 

“Right.” Kakashi shook his head. For the first time all evening, he appeared nervous. “It might hurt. That’s to be expected. But if it gets bad - or you feel uncomfortable - “ 

 

Gai sharpened his voice. “Do not underestimate me. I could apprehend you within the blink of an eye. If I am overwhelmed, I will put a stop to this immediately. You do not have to worry.” 

 

He felt the bulge in Kakashi’s pants lengthen against his inner thigh. When Kakashi spoke, he sounded winded. “Of course. Silly me.” 

 

Kakashi kissed him once more, then dipped into the vaseline. He prodded under Gai’s scrotum. Gai reached behind himself to grip the headboard. Kakashi inserted his fingertip just slightly - Gai had never felt anything like it before. It was not cause for alarm or discomfort. He felt relaxed, accepted, confident in his ability to let Kakashi see him like this and perform these acts. It was his choice.  _ He _ was the one vulnerable, exposed, opening himself up first - regardless of the violence wrought days before, this felt like the natural progression of their relationship. It felt good. It felt right. 

 

“Here goes nothing,” Kakashi muttered. Gai couldn’t hold back his surprised laugh. Kakashi glanced up at him, trying not to grin. “If you’re just going to make fun of me, we can stop.” 

 

“Never,” Gai said, rearranging against the headboard until he was in a more comfortable position. “I will be quiet.”

 

“I didn’t say  _ that _ \- “ Kakashi crooked his finger in deeper, without warning. 

 

Gai yelped. “Fuck!” 

 

“Shit.” Kakashi was stunned at Gai’s language. He swirled around a bit. “How’s that?” Gai tried squeezing around him in lieu of a reply and Kakashi blanched, his breath quickening. “Got it.” 

 

They stopped talking. Kakashi took his time. When he thought Gai was ready, he entered a second finger. The stretch was harder to accommodate, but not impossible. He began spreading his fingers apart just so, widening Gai’s inner walls. Gai did not know his body was capable of such a feat - it was literally breathtaking. Kakashi had to remind him to breathe. But once he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop moaning.

 

Kakashi dug further and Gai tensed, tears leaking from his eyes. Kakashi repeated the motion. Gai’s erection twitched with interest and spurted a bead of precum. 

 

“I can’t wait any longer,” Gai whined. “I need - you need to - “ 

 

Kakashi removed his fingers; Gai’s body pulsated at the absence. Kakashi shushed him with a long, drawn out kiss. 

 

“I’ve got you,” he reassured, and Gai was officially forever besotted until the end of time. He nodded hurriedly, trusting Kakashi to take care of him. Kakashi loosened his pants and scooped up another handful of vaseline to generously lubricate himself. Sufficiently prepared, he spread Gai’s thighs apart and hovered over his entrance. 

 

Before Gai could command him to do anything, Kakashi pushed inside incrementally. Gai’s spine snapped off the mattress; the headboard creaked under his hands. Kakashi took this as an encouraging sign and pumped his hips forward again. Gai felt himself splitting open underneath his Eternal Rival. It was painful, but he was a shinobi, and blocked the pain out with ease. 

 

Intrusive thoughts arose. He thought of his nightmare, his mission, the myriad of ways this could have happened differently to tarnish its current beauty. However, instead of leeching his pleasure, these thoughts only multiplied it. Gai was so thankful for this moment he started weeping. 

 

Kakashi paused, but did not remove himself. Gai felt him throbbing from within, and knew it took a massive amount of discipline. “Gai.” 

 

“I’m happy,” Gai told him. “That’s all.” 

 

Kakashi resumed his slow pace. “Me too.” He began narrating. “You feel so strong. Your thighs could snap me in half. But here I am - I’m - I’m not going to be able to keep this up.” He bent Gai’s legs forward and went faster, deeper, hitting the same spot he’d found with his fingers - his  _ prostate _ , Gai fuzzily recalled from Academy anatomy classes and his annual medical exam. 

 

“Kakashi,” Gai sobbed - he climaxed, tightening around the intrusion lodged inside of him. 

 

“I know. It’s okay. Let it all out.”

 

Gai went boneless in the bed sheets. His body and mind felt covered in a thin haze of sweat and lust. The scent of his cum carried in the air between them. Kakashi thudded into him a couple more times before he, too, went stiff with release. The viscous liquid slicked Gai’s insides, leaked out of him as Kakashi pulled away and resinched his pants. Cold air imposed at Gai’s sore entrance. He clenched tight, twisting to the side. 

 

Kakashi passed a hand over his flank, grabbed the torn jumpsuit to clean them both off, and threw it carelessly to the floor. He wiggled behind Gai afterward, nosed his jugular vein, ghosted his teeth over the tender flesh; Gai made a strangled noise and shuddered. 

 

“On a scale of one to ten,” Kakashi whispered, after some time had passed. 

 

Gai chuckled breathlessly. “A solid eight,” he appraised. 

 

“I can live with that,” Kakashi said. 

 

Gai rotated in his arms so that they faced each other. “It was magnificent. Thank you.” 

 

“Oh,  _ any time _ ,” Kakashi drawled. He smiled contentedly, eyes half-lidded. 

 

So much had happened since their last kiss that when their mouths connected again it was like years had passed. They tangled together, but it was a lackadaisical thing. 

 

Kakashi separated after awhile. He considered Gai contemplatively. 

 

“What is it?” Gai asked, worried. “Was something not to your liking?” 

 

“Hell no,” Kakashi said. “Just. Sometime. I want to give that to you, Gai. What you gave me. On our terms.” 

 

Gai burrowed into Kakashi’s soft, clothed chest. “It will happen. I just need more time. I’m sorry.” 

 

“Hey.” Kakashi poked him in the rear. “Don’t apologize. I’ve waited a long time already. What’s a little longer?” 

 

“You are too good to me,” Gai mumbled. He was drowsy, loose-limbed. 

 

“Nah.” Kakashi hugged him closer. “You deserve it.” 

 

Gai hummed, too sleepy to reply. When he did end up drifting off, it was dreamless, ensconced in Kakashi’s warm, protective hold.  
  



	2. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! if you thought the angst was over, you were wrong; if you thought things got as fluffy as they could get, you were also wrong; and if you thought the smut was over, you were definitely wrong. buckle up. (if you ever need inspiration writing softcore porn, i recommend listening to bon iver on repeat; "creature fear" became the theme song for this fic, check it out)
> 
> i hope the wait was worth it, and the added word count makes up for it. i don't pay attention to that stuff as a reader, but as a writer, it's a little satisfying to wring out some extra length. 
> 
> i had a better grasp on the story so i think this chapter runs a lot smoother than the previous one. once i have time i'll come back and try to edit everything eventually. 
> 
> this is my first serious naruto fic, probably the longest fic i've written in a very long time, and my first deep exploration into kakagai. i had a lot of fun, and hope everyone enjoyed it too. all of your comments were incredibly touching and inspired me to keep writing! i've got a lot more ideas talking to everyone, so expect more kakagai sometime soon ;)
> 
> thank you for reading! as always please leave a comment and smash that kudos

Kakashi could fool everyone else, but Gai knew he wasn’t a light sleeper. When on a mission or expecting one, he slipped into a clinical slumber like any other shinobi, readied for combat at a moment’s notice. Otherwise, during rare instances of alloted free time, the man slept like a rock. 

 

Gai woke up flat on his back with Kakashi sprawled facedown on top of him, snoring into the divet between his neck and shoulder. This hard-won brand of deep rest was accomplished after years of insomnia and troubled dreams. It comforted Gai to know his Rival could safely succumb to the lowest trenches of dormancy, but he needed to get out of bed. His internal clock corrected itself in the night - aided by their sensual coupling - and he had to reinstate his early morning routine. 

 

“Kakashi,” Gai whispered. He attempted to push Kakashi off. Kakashi grunted and tightened his octopus hold on Gai’s naked body. “Kakashi, I have to get up.” 

 

Kakashi was unconcerned and continued snoring into his ear. Gai huffed, straining his hunky build, as Kakashi called it, in an ineffective attempt to force Kakashi to move. 

 

“There are cats everywhere,” Gai said. “Naruto-kun is about to prank you! Sakura-chan is on her way to talk about your emotional wellbeing!” 

 

Finally, Kakashi stirred. “Huh?” 

 

“I’ve frightened you awake,” Gai told him, smirking. “Are you that fearful of your students?” 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kakashi mumbled. He looked up, hair in disarray. “What time is it?” 

 

“I’m not sure,” Gai said, glancing out the window. The sky was dark, yet lightening around the edges. “I’d guess five thirty.” 

 

“In the morning,” Kakashi added. 

 

“Well, yes.” 

 

Kakashi dropped back against him. “Stay here.” 

 

“I need to train! I’m behind on my workout.” 

 

“Hmm.” Kakashi patted his large pectorals. “Nope. According to my thorough analysis, you’re still ripped.” 

 

“It isn’t just about mass,” Gai explained. “It is the invigoration of my whole being, the fire in my muscles which sets my soul aflame. My body yearns for exercise, to feel the dawn awaken above me, as - ” 

 

Kakashi groaned. “I can think of something a lot more invigorating, right here in bed.”

 

Gai frowned. “Again, so soon?” Kakashi stared at him, the Sharingan bright red in the dark light. “I’m not ready, just yet.” 

 

“We don’t gotta go all out,” Kakashi quietly assured. “Just enough to keep you here. I mean, I’m not a total sleaze.”

 

“Oh - well, you drive a hard bargain, Rival.” Gai thought about it. “I might need some convincing.” 

 

“You were pretty easily  _ convinced _ last night.” Kakashi slid over Gai, raised himself up on his arms; the blanket slanted backward, tangling at their feet. “I’ll give you a workout…” 

 

They kissed. It was just as great as it had been the night before - even better, actually, because Gai realized he could do this again, every day, for the rest of his life. In that moment, he decided to kiss Kakashi whenever either of them returned from a mission, every morning and every night, when Kakashi needed to stop reading his books for so long, and pay attention to him. The thoughts spurred warm affection; and something else, too. 

 

“Whoa.” Kakashi bumped his nose in glancing down. “Good morning.”  

 

Gai blushed. “I can’t help it.” 

 

“You act like it’s a bad thing,” Kakashi sighed into his jaw, “a real travesty.” He dropped his arms, canted to the side, and drifted his hand along Gai’s sturdy abdomen. “I never gave you that blow job, you know.” 

 

Gai snapped his knees shut, trapping Kakashi’s wandering touch between his thighs. “I think it would kill me.” 

 

Kakashi smiled. “I’ll just resuscitate you with my mouth.” 

 

“You’re horrible,” Gai said. “The famous copy - all you copy are TV dramas - “ 

 

“Shut up,” Kakashi ordered, prodding his half-mast erection. He licked his lips, preparing to crawl down the bed - 

 

Then the bedroom window rattled, followed by a loud caw. 

 

Gai rose onto his elbows. “What was that?” 

 

“A pain in the ass,” Kakashi muttered. He disengaged from Gai and padded to the window, a messenger bird perched on the sill. Kakashi unclasped a scroll from its talons and sent it away. 

 

He sat back down and handed Gai the scroll. It was small, stamped with the Hokage’s insignia. 

 

Gal broke the seal, scanned his eyes over the short message. “It’s a summons.” 

 

“From the old hag?” Kakashi touched Gai’s knee. “Want me to come with?” 

 

“I don’t know.” Gai set the scroll in his lap. The peaceful spell that fell over him last night disappeared with this abrupt reminder. “What should I tell her?” 

 

“You got laid.” Kakashi put the scroll on the bedside table. “She can wait a second. It’s too early in the morning.” 

 

Gai scowled, exasperated. “I will let you into my heart and body, but I cannot submit to your tardiness, Rival.” 

 

Kakashi stood. “At least eat breakfast.” He cracked his neck, and went to Gai’s dresser. “I need to borrow some clothes. Please don’t tell me you only own jumpsuits.” 

 

“They are the staple of my wardrobe, but you might be able to find something else.” 

 

Kakashi threw on a baggy shirt with his jounin vest; the pants he chose did not fit much better. Gai adorned another jumpsuit. He insisted on cooking, and made omelets stuffed with peppers and diced ham. Kakashi retrieved his mask and hitai-ate once they were done eating. 

 

The village was quiet and slow, streets bereft of shinobi and civilians alike. Kakashi took Gai’s hand. He did not let go until they reached the Hokage office and, leaned against the wall. “I’ll be waiting.” 

 

Gai nodded. He moved to open the door, but Kakashi grabbed his wrist.

 

“Don’t let her shove you around too much, okay?” 

 

“Okay,” Gai promised. 

 

Kakashi watched him for a second, then released his arm. “Okay.” 

 

Gai took a deep breath and walked into the office. “Good morning, Hokage-sama.” 

 

“You’re late,” Tsunade said.

 

“It’s Kakashi’s fault,” Gai informed, before realizing his mistake. “But that is no excuse! I shouldn’t have let him keep me from - “

 

“Sit down.” 

 

Gai obliged. She proceeded with a quick physical examination. 

 

“Protocol,” she stated, though Gai had never heard of it. He sat wordlessly as she examined his pathways for traces of malignant chakra and double-checked his side, then pulled his jumpsuit back over his shoulders. “All clear.” She stared at him, unmoving. “How are you feeling?” 

 

“Good,” Gai said. “I think.” 

 

“That sounds uncertain. You’ve been eating well the past two days? Sleeping?” 

 

“No, not when I first returned, I admit. But Kakashi forced me to. He is very stubborn.” 

 

“Kakashi?” She smirked at the door, no doubt aware of his presence. “That’s unusually considerate of him.” 

 

“He has his moments,” Gai said. 

 

“I’m sure he does.” 

 

Gai frowned. “Hokage-sama, I don’t know what you mean.” 

 

“Don’t play coy. It’s unbecoming, and you’re an awful liar.” Tsunade crossed her arms, sardonic grin falling. “I don’t care to know what’s going on between you two. Just keep it to yourself. Don’t let it interfere with your work.” 

 

“I would never!” 

 

She ignored him. “Physically, you’ve healed perfectly. How are you holding up mentally?”

 

“Good,” Gai repeated. It seemed to be the safest explanation. 

 

“I’ll need a little more than that.” Tsunade dropped into the chair beside his. “You’re one of my best men, Gai; I can’t afford to lose you. I want to make sure you’ll be uncompromised when I send you out again.”

 

“Personal problems have never affected my performance.” 

 

“You’ve never had a problem of this scope.” Tsunade shifted, put a consoling hand on his arm; he remembered Kakashi’s quip -  _ She hides her age. _ Despite her title as Kage, it was easy to forget her level of life experience, hidden behind an iron fist and misleading outer appearance. “You were on your knees just a few days ago, practically begging me to strip you of your status. Cut to the chase. Are you recovered, or not? There’s no shame in admitting you aren’t - but I can’t have you lying about it. You’re no good at it, anyway.” 

 

Gai paused. How could he explain the emotional transformation he underwent with Kakashi’s care and his students’ devotion? He looked his Hokage in the eye. “I got laid.” 

 

“Oh,” she said, surprised, but instantly recollected herself. “I told you I didn’t want to hear about it.” 

 

“I am sorry, but it is the only way to express my true thoughts. Kakashi...has tread lightly, since the incident. You are correct in pointing out that this is unusual for him. I could not believe it myself. But he continually showed me that what occurred on the battlefield would not sever our bond. In fact, it strengthened it. With his help, I overcame my guilt regarding the actions forced upon me. And my students…” Gai sighed, unable to put to words his appreciation for the three young shinobi. “I didn’t realize how much they’ve grown until now.” 

 

Tsunade smiled. “Only thanks to your guidance.” She got up from her seat and opened a file on her desk. “I’ve heard enough. I’m approving you for active duty.” She scrawled a few things down, then raised her head. Behind her, the sun stretched over Konoha’s rooftops. “I am going to tell you this only once, because from here on out it should be considered a given: You are one of Konoha’s greatest assets, Maito Gai, and an example to all the elemental nations. You’ve never been a disgrace, and, according to your character, I assume you never will be.” She lifted her chin. “Don’t prove me wrong.” 

 

Gai stood and saluted her. “I will not, Hokage-sama.” 

 

“Then we’re done. I’ll show you out.” 

 

She escorted him to the door. Gai bowed, and walked past the threshold. Kakashi pushed off of the wall to meet him, but before he could say anything Tsunade stepped in his way.

 

“It seems as if I have to thank you,” she said, and stuck out her hand. Kakashi took it belatedly. She squeezed with her iron fist. “Congratulations on pulling your head out of your ass, Hatake.” 

 

His eye crinkled in amusement. “Thank you, Hokage-sama.” 

 

“I hope I don’t need to remind you that the new dimension to your rivalry shouldn’t get in the way of your responsibility to the village.” 

 

“Of course, Hokage-sama.” 

 

Kakashi flinched as she twisted his arm. “Good.”

 

Tsunade retired to her office without another word. 

 

Kakashi rubbed his wrist and looked at Gai petulantly. “I didn’t think you’d actually tell her.” 

 

“I would proclaim our love on top of the Hokage Monument,” Gai swore, “if I didn’t think you would berate me for it.” 

 

“People are going to figure out anyway.” Kakashi pocketed his hands. “It’ll take him awhile, but once Naruto figures it out, it’s over. He’s a blabbermouth.”

 

“Indeed,” Gai agreed. A beat of silence passed between them. “What now?” 

 

“Let’s get food,” Kakashi offered, even though they just ate. Gai startled - was Kakashi suggesting they actually hang out in public in a semi-romantic fashion? His heart swelled, the inner genin inside of him cheering at his Rival’s casual offer. Kakashi frowned behind the mask. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

 

Gai swung his arm over Kakashi’s shoulders. “You are completely infatuated, Rival, admit it!” 

 

“I think I’ve already made that clear,” Kakashi drawled, leaning into his side. 

 

Tsunade’s voice resounded behind the closed door. “Get out!” 

 

Ichiraku’s was just opening. Kakashi and Gai were the first customers of the day and they ate slowly in relative quiet. Gai wasn’t particularly hungry, but it was nice to openly leave Kakashi lingering touches and try to follow his rapid movements as he unmasked between slurps. Teuchi only shook his head behind the counter; he’d learned long ago to ignore shinobi eccentricities. 

 

They were nearly finished with their meal when a familiar boisterous voice shouted down the street. “What the hell, sensei! You’re here earlier than me!” 

 

“Ah, Naruto.” Kakashi looked over his shoulder. “What an unexpected surprise.” 

 

“Come off it,” Naruto huffed, sidling beside them. Teuchi set down a bowl of ramen without asking for his order; he snapped the chopsticks apart and yelled “Itadakimasu!” then loudly dug in. Halfway through the bowl (it only took a few seconds), he elbowed Gai in the side and spoke mid-bite. “Nice to see you, Bushy Brow-sensei. I heard Rock Lee and everybody were worried. Did that mission stuff work out okay?” 

 

“I am happy to say everything is just fine, Naruto-kun,” Gai assured. 

 

“Good!” Naruto swallowed, flinging droplets of broth across the counter. He put his chin in his hand, eyeing the two shinobi. “You guys are awfully chummy this morning.” 

 

“We’re rivals,” Kakashi stated. “Keep your friends close and rivals closer, you know.” 

 

“As if,” Naruto said, his sunny disposition flagging. 

 

Gai noted the sudden tension between them and wanted to dispel it. “How is your training going, Naruto? Any new cool moves you’re working on? I recommend starting with a taijutsu regimine!” 

 

“Not really,” Naruto said. “Just more Rasengan stuff.” He poked some noodles around. “I almost had Sasuke last time, the fucking bastard. I gotta be at one hundred fifty percent to drag his ass back here.” 

 

Gai smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure he will come to his senses eventually. The dedication to your friendship is not in vain. For example, I bothered Kakashi for years before he recognized that our Eternal Bond was destined to be.” 

 

“It was really annoying,” Kakashi said, “but extremely effective.” 

 

“That’s different,” Naruto said. “Kakashi-sensei didn’t go AWOL, did he?” 

 

“No,” Gai admitted, “but he and Sasuke-kun are similar in many respects. They both pretend to be apathetic and distant, when in reality their hearts are the same as ours - burning with the Will of Fire! Its flame can never be extinguished, and will guide Sasuke-kun home.”

 

“I’m right here,” Kakashi muttered. 

 

Naruto put his chopsticks down. “You two are meant to be and everything, though. Sasuke’s destiny just ends with his stupid brother.” A chill seemed to run up his spine. “I don’t know what’ll happen, once he gets his revenge.” 

 

Kakashi sent Naruto a serious gaze. “If he’s anything like me, he’ll realize what’s left after the fact is more important than anything that came before.” 

 

“I hope so.”

 

Gai clapped him on the back. “Do not look so discouraged. That hope is Sasuke-kun’s saving grace! Let it motivate your spirit; it is an optimism befitting of a future Hokage.” 

 

“Kakashi-sensei will be Hokage before me at this rate,” Naruto grumbled.

 

“I better not,” Kakashi said. He slipped a bill to Teuchi, paying for all three of their meals unbeknownst to Naruto. “Keep eating. You can’t tell me you’ve fallen out of love with ramen, now.” 

 

Naruto grabbed his chopsticks. “No way, sensei! That’s crazy.” He finished his food in record time to prove the point, and chugged the last of the broth.

 

Gai laughed. “It’s always entertaining seeing you two banter.” 

 

“You haven’t been putting up with him for years,” Kakashi said. 

 

Naruto slapped his bowl down onto the counter. “You love me and you know it!” 

 

“I wasn’t saying I didn’t.” Kakashi slid off his stool and tapped Gai’s arm. “We gotta go take care of some unfinished business.” 

 

Gai followed. “Um - yes, I forgot about that.” 

 

“Forgot about what?” Naruto narrowed his eyes. “Why are you guys acting so weird?” 

 

“We’re not,” Kakashi said. “We’re acting completely normal. Right, Gai?” 

 

“Of course!” He rested his elbow on Kakashi, affecting a casual pose. “Nothing is out of the ordinary whatsoever.” 

 

“Hmmm.” Naruto pouted. “I don’t believe it.” 

 

“Believe it!” Gai sent him a vigorous thumbs up. 

 

“Hey - you can’t say that, I say that! Believe it!”

 

“No, you believe it when I say believe it!” 

 

“Stop, please,” Kakashi begged. 

 

Suddenly, another adolescent called for him. “Kakashi-sensei!”

 

“Not again,” Kakashi groaned. Gai lowered his arm off his shoulder, and all three of them turned. 

 

Sakura halted in front of them, out of breath, and straightened her hitai-ate as if she’d just put it on. “Naruto, I’m glad you’re here, too. Tsunade-san just pulled me off my hospital shift. There’s word about Sasuke-kun - Orochimaru’s consolidating forces. They’re moving to a new base.” 

 

Naruto snapped to attention. He faltered out of his seat, dipping below the ramen stand’s banner. “What?! Where?! Why?!” 

 

“I don’t know, you idiot! That’s why we need to go - now! She wants us to meet her at her office!” 

 

“I was just there,” Kakashi said. “She didn’t say anything.” 

 

“The report just came in,” Sakura told him impatiently. “Sai’s already waiting.”

 

Gai took Kakashi’s hand. Naruto and Sakura were bickering, too distracted to notice. “Rival. It appears that our plans will be postponed again.” 

 

“Looks like it.” Kakashi sounded gruff but appeared tense, ready for action. He squeezed Gai’s hand, then unlaced their fingers. “I’ll come over before heading out.”

 

Gai nodded. He watched Team 7 hurry off, glanced at Teuchi afterward. “It never ends, does it?” he asked.

 

Teuchi collected their empty ramen bowls for washing. “Not as far as I can tell.” 

 

Gai returned to his apartment, joy dampened despite the dawn’s bright approach now fully awash across the village. He was glad that Sasuke had been located again - any news was good news, and he meant what he said to Naruto. It wasn’t because of the aborted sexual trysts, either. 

 

This was important to Kakashi, a burden he shouldered with the guilt of a failed sensei. It was simply unfair to all parties involved, including the troubled Sasuke, to go through this kind of cat and mouse chase which often resulted in nothing but false alarms and missed opportunities, and Gai suspected this sudden call to arms would fare the same. 

 

It was no use worrying - there was always the chance of a happy ending! Gai knew this to be inevitable; it was only a matter of when. He stopped his musings once he reached his apartment, and tried not to think about the sudden lack of Kakashi’s beguiling presence. 

 

He checked the mail that had been ignored during and after his mission, then tidied up a bit, discarded his torn jumpsuit and washed the bedsheets. He watered his plants and opened his living room window, to let sunlight in and prepare for Kakashi’s return. 

 

Gai was following his favorite midday aerobics program on the television when Kakashi clattered in through the window, knocking over one of the plants in haste. He righted it with frustration. 

 

“It’s fine,” Gai said, bending down to brush the soil away. 

 

“You look stupid,” Kakashi said. He snapped the orange sweatband around Gai’s head. 

 

Gai pulled it off. “I like it.” 

 

“It makes your hair look worse than it already is.” 

 

“You like my hair,” Gai said, and pulled Kakashi to his feet. “When are you leaving?” 

 

“Ugh.” Kakashi pushed his mask and hitai-ate away and rubbed his face. “In an hour.” 

 

“You should go to your own place and pack your things.” 

 

Kakashi dropped his hands, blinking. “I already did.” 

 

Gai realized he’d changed clothes and had a bag. “That was fast.” 

 

“I didn’t want to waste time.” Kakashi slung his arms around Gai’s shoulders and kissed him. “Think you can fuck me, for good luck?” 

 

Gai put his hands on Kakashi’s waist. “No, I’d rather not be rushed.” 

 

“Worth a shot,” Kakashi muttered. He dropped his forehead against Gai’s strong chest. “I don’t like saying this in front of the kids, but - this isn’t going to work.” 

 

“You don’t know that.” 

 

“I do. Sasuke’s just like me, you’re right. It’ll take the end of the world for him to get his shit together.” 

 

“Drastic measures are the most impetuous.” 

 

“There’s so many things I should’ve done differently,” Kakashi sighed. 

 

“Stop that,” Gai chastised. “Needless hindsight keeps you from looking forward.” 

 

“Write a book.” 

 

Gai smiled, a bit sadly. “You would not read it. It wouldn’t be sexy.” 

 

“Author’s pretty sexy,” Kakashi said. “Can we - lie down, or something? Naruto was screaming his head off the whole time. I have a migraine.” 

 

“Whatever you need,” Gai assented. 

 

The sheets were drying on the clothesline strung across Gai’s balcony, so they laid together on the bare mattress. Gai tucked Kakashi close against him, trying to emit love and support without words. They kissed, but it was somber and unheated - a stopgap against sorrow, not an invitation to pleasure. 

 

“Are you going to be okay while I’m gone?” Kakashi asked when they separated. He traced Gai’s jawline with his thumb. 

 

“Don’t worry about me,” Gai said, clasping Kakashi’s hand. Though he was nervous, he would not stress Kakashi with the admission - Kakashi could probably tell, anyway, so it’d be pointless to lie. “I will eagerly await your return.” 

 

“Let me give you something to remember me by.” 

 

“Oh?” 

 

Gai started to sit up, expecting a token of some sort, but Kakashi pushed him back down onto the bed. “Not like that.” He lowered the turtleneck collar of Gai’s jumpsuit and mouthed at his neck, grazed his skin with his teeth. Low against his jugular, he sunk his canines in and moaned, leaving behind a large purple bruise. He littered Gai with many more, nicking small beads of blood. Unable to resist, Gai flipped him around and returned the favor. 

 

They parted, breathing heavily. Kakashi checked the time. “I can’t be late. Not for this.” He did not attempt to hide his anguish. “It’s just going to be another dead end. It’s tearing them apart, constantly getting disappointed.”

 

Gai pet his cheek. “They are strong. What did you tell me about my students? They can take it. Yours can, too. Do not despair. You cannot let yourself be torn apart either.” 

 

“I suppose.” Kakashi touched the fresh marks on his own neck; they would be hidden underneath his mask, like a secret necklace. “I need to leave.” 

 

He picked his bag up from the floor. Gai walked him to the living room window. “Stay safe.”

 

“You too.”

 

They did not kiss goodbye. Kakashi exited the same way he entered - knocking over a plant. Gai laughed to himself and set it against the wall beneath the window. He looked out in the direction of the village gates, wondering what Kakashi was about to encounter, then put his sweatband back on and resumed the aerobic program. 

 

He finished his workout, sat down in his clean apartment. He was back on active duty, but until a mission opened requiring his specific skill set there was nothing to do except wait. Gai wasn’t good at waiting. Being idle made him uncomfortable, especially when he had something to worry about - like Kakashi and the rest of Team 7. 

 

Konoha was divided on Sasuke’s betrayal. The majority of villagers viewed him as a miscreant and an outlaw; a minority mostly comprised of the Konoha 11 and their senseis - those who had personal experience with Sasuke - viewed him as an unfortunate victim, manipulated by his brother and Orochimaru. Both views were technically true. Part of the latter camp, Gai remembered Sasuke as an intelligent young boy with a dark past, cornered by Orochimaru at the right time. The curse mark was fresh in everyone’s memory, considered the downfall of a promising Leaf shinobi or the invention of a threatening Leaf enemy, depending on whom one asked. 

 

Close to Kakashi - and therefore the rest of Team 7 - Gai could not regard Sasuke as anything but a lost soul. Team 7’s dedication to their wayward friend was evidence enough of his worth to the village and its inhabitants. Regardless of Gai’s opinion, they saw something in him worth saving - and Gai trusted their judgement to the end. 

 

He forced himself out of rumination and plucked the sheets from the clothesline. He remade his bed, lit a stick of incense, meditated unsuccessfully, then ate the last of the leftover curry. Realizing his kitchen was pitifully unstocked, he went to buy groceries, and along with the basics got a prime cut of meat and extra sides to make dinner for Team 7 upon their return. There was nothing better than a home cooked meal to welcome companions back. 

 

By the time Gai returned to his apartment laden with shopping bags it was early afternoon. Just as he finished putting everything away, someone knocked at his door. 

 

It was Tenten. Normally she and her teammates would stroll in unannounced. Gai knew something was up at the show of formality, but didn’t let his suspicion show. 

 

“Hello, Tenten. What’s the meaning of this pleasant surprise?” 

 

“We want to train,” she said, although she was out of uniform.

 

Gai laughed. “Last night was not enough? I’m surprised you all aren’t exhausted!” 

 

“Rock Lee is addicted, and dragged me and Neji into it. Let’s go.” 

 

“Shouldn’t I grab some things?” 

 

She pulled him into the hallway. “You won’t need it.” 

 

His student guided him through the village, in the opposite direction of the training grounds. “Really, what are we doing?” Gai asked her. 

 

“You’ll see.” 

 

They arrived at a seedy bar popular with shinobi, busy twenty four hours a day due to erratic schedules between missions and patrol shifts. It was shoved between two abandoned warehouses, cast in permanent shadow no matter the sun’s position.

 

A scantily clad kunoichi staggered outside, followed by an equally intoxicated man. Scandalized, Gai edged in front of Tenten to protect her from the sight. “Why are we here?” 

 

Tenten rolled her eyes, leaning back to evade the passing drunks. “We aren’t kids anymore. And you need to have some fun. Come on.” 

 

“But it’s still  _ daylight _ .” 

 

“You won’t be able to tell.” 

 

She pushed him inside. It was dark, loud, and definitely inappropriate for his pure, impressionable students. A cloud of cigarette smoke wafted up to the ceiling, its smell overpowered by the stench of beer and body odor. 

 

Rock Lee waved from a booth in the back, Neji seated beside him. Gai and Tenten fought through the crowd.

 

“Surprise,” Rock Lee yelled once they made it over. His face was flush, a couple bottles already emptied in front of him. 

 

“I do not approve of this,” Gai said. 

 

Tenten forced him to sit. “Relax.” 

 

“Lee already got started,” Neji explained. 

 

“Neji,” Gai said, raising his voice over the noise. “You are my most sensible student. How could you let this happen?” 

 

“It was their idea,” he protested. “I’m only here for damage control.” 

 

Gai sighed, surrendering to the situation. “Where have my cute genin gone?”

 

Rock Lee slammed his fist down. “We are adults, Gai-sensei! And we will drink like adults!” 

 

“This is my worst nightmare.” 

 

Tenten whacked his arm. “Don’t be such a baby. What do you want from the bar?” 

 

“Water.” 

 

“Okay.” She came back with two glasses of colorful liquor. “Here you go.” 

 

Gai shook his head. “No. I refuse to partake in your treacherous activities.” 

 

Tenten rested her chin in her palm and leered down at him. “How was your night with Kakashi-sensei? I bet it was loads more treacherous than this.” 

 

“On second thought,” Gai muttered, and picked up his glass. 

 

Rock Lee chanted. “Gai-sensei! Gai-sensei!”

 

“Lee, please, I cannot bear to see you in this state.” 

 

“Yes, Gai-sensei,” Rock Lee whispered. 

 

Gai coughed after drinking, and peered at the liquor, his eyes watery. “What’s in this? I think it might have gasoline.” 

 

“Maybe.” Tenten took a sip. “It tastes good, once you get past that.” Gai looked to Neji for support, but Tenten snickered. “Don’t let him fool you, sensei, he’s a dirty liar.”

 

“What?” Gai squinted at him. “You look fine!” 

 

“I hold my alcohol well,” Neji said, smirking slightly. 

 

“Youth should not be wasted like this,” Gai bemoaned. 

 

“Anyway,” Tenten continued. 

 

Gai crossed his arms. “Was this just a ploy to make me confess details about my private relationship?” 

 

“Yes,” Neji answered. 

 

“I don’t know where you all get this from,” he said. “It wasn’t me.”  

 

Rock Lee reached across the table to pat his hand. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. True love like yours is meant to be celebrated!” 

 

“Oh, this is supposed to be a celebration?” Across the room a pair of shinobis broke out into a fistfight and people formed a circle, placing bets. Gai tried his best to ignore the ruckus. “I thought it was torture.” 

 

“You need to get out more,” Tenten told him, then added when he opened his mouth, “and  _ not _ just for your daily runs or to check up on us.” 

 

He flipped a bottle cap off of his thumb to ignore her gaze. It rattled back to the tabletop. “Your concern is touching, but I don’t need to do things like this.” 

 

Neji’s voice cut across the noise, compelling Gai to look up. “We heard Kakashi-sensei left with Naruto-kun and the others.” 

 

Rock Lee’s face crumpled. “Sakura-chan...her efforts to bring Sasuke-kun back are an inspiration!” 

 

“Are you still interested in her?” Gai asked, to switch the conversation from his own romantic interests. 

 

“As a friend, yes.” Rock Lee ducked his head. “But I learned long ago a woman of her caliber is far above me.” 

 

“She’s crazy, you mean,” Tenten said, and sipped some more. “I think  _ Gai-sensei _ is way above Kakashi-sensei’s level.”

 

He turned to her, offended. “I am not crazy.” 

 

She snorted. “Sure you aren’t, sensei. The things you do are completely sane.” 

 

“I think,” Neji clarified, “Kakashi-sensei only seems less...motivated than you. Personally, I don’t know how he can keep up.” 

 

“Hm.” Gai considered it. “I find myself wondering how I keep up with him, at times.” 

 

“Oooh.” Tenten twisted to face him. “He’s wearing you out, is he?” 

 

“No!” Gai put his hands up. “Not like that!” 

 

Her eyes narrowed, then she erupted in a fit of cackling. “I knew it!” 

 

“There’s nothing to know,” Gai insisted, holding her wrists like it would stop her wild speculations; liquor from her glass sloshed over both of their hands. “Tenten!” 

 

“Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei sitting in a tree...” She stopped, giggles fading. “We’re just kidding. We know how much he means to you.” 

 

“Even if we don’t understand it,” Neji said. 

 

Rock Lee looked between his teammates. “What is so hard to understand? Gai-sensei has known since forever Kakashi-sensei is his One and Only!” 

 

This was getting out of control. Decades of pining coming to fruition only a night before, and now his students were needling him relentlessly. The past week and a half had been a whirlwind. “I need another drink,” Gai said.

 

“I’ll get you one,” Tenten offered. She jumped up from the booth. 

 

Certain she was gone, he relaxed against the wall and turned to his remaining students. “Women - am I right, boys?” 

 

Neji stared at him, unmoved by his remark. “So which one of you did what?” 

 

“I’m not answering that,” Gai flatly denied.  

 

“Huh.” Neji glanced at Rock Lee. “I guess it could go either way.” 

 

Rock Lee nodded seriously. “Kakashi-sensei reads all that - uh - naughty stuff, he might have initiated it because of his background knowledge. But then again, he’s very lazy, and Gai-sensei can be incredibly smooth.” 

 

“However, Gai-sensei is a gentleman,” Neji stated. “Kakashi-sensei, on the other hand, would have no qualms about forcing himself into Gai-sensei’s pants.”

 

Gai sat helplessly. He knew there was only one way to to end this. “Rock Lee, let’s have a little competition, what do you say?” 

 

Rock Lee froze mid-sentence and shot Gai a surprised look. “What kind of competition?” 

 

Gai paused for dramatic effect. “A drinking competition.” 

 

Neji straightened worriedly. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You and Lee can become, ah - kind of unstoppable, once you get going.”

 

“But that is why you’re here, right?” Gai used air quotations. “For ‘damage control?’” 

 

“I suppose,” Neji muttered. He could not go back on his word - an honorable trait which he sometimes despised. 

 

Tenten walked up to the booth with a pitcher of beer. “Guess who’s back!” 

 

Gai and Rock Lee lunged at her. Gai snatched the pitcher first and chugged. He slammed it onto the table seconds later. “Another!” 

 

“No fair,” Rock Lee said.

 

“You’ve already had a head start!” 

 

“Damn it - here we go.” Tenten sat down next to Neji, unsurprised. “Neji, how could you let this happen?”

 

Neji groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Why is it always  _ my _ responsibility?”

 

Gai started a tab. Pitchers were the most efficient means of consumption, and soon they filled the table. Gai and Rock Lee downed one after another in a strangely rhythmic pattern. It went  _ slam _ \- gulp - _ slam _ \- gulp -  _ slam _ ! 

 

Froth spilled down their jaws, onto the front of their clothes. Their fantastic BMI was rendered inconsequential by their equally fantastic metabolism - when they drank for real, they got drunk for real. Tenten and Neji watched with disgust, eventually drinking themselves to survive the show, but soon began cheering them on. Tenten sided with Rock Lee, and Neji with Gai. 

 

Tenten got up to bend over Rock Lee, who was crying into his beer. “Go go go!” 

 

Neji activated his Byagukan and passed Gai pitchers at a lightning fast pace. “Don’t let him win, sensei!” 

 

The fistfight’s audience moved onto the newest excitement, crowding around the booth. 

 

“I bet on the big one,” someone said. 

 

“What, no way,” another person countered, “he’s too old. My money’s on the kid.” 

 

Gai burped so loud it shook the table. “Admit defeat,” he gasped, taking a break. 

 

“Never,” Rock Lee vowed, though he too was beginning to slow down, painfully staring at his next pitcher.

 

Tenten shook him. “Come on, Lee! You got it!” 

 

“Oh - “ Rock Lee slapped his hand over his mouth. 

 

She quickly stepped back. “Gross!” 

 

Gai was beginning to feel sick as well. “Let’s call it a draw,” he said. “Rock Lee, we are equally matched.” 

 

Rock Lee turned at the dazzling praise - they were equals! “Gai-sensei…” 

 

“Rock Lee…” 

 

They joined in a beautiful hug, reeking of beer and covered in sweat. Neji and Tenten scrunched their noses.  

 

The crowd began to anger. “Hey! We put money on this!” 

 

Turned, scowling. “That was your dumb decision,” she reprimanded, “get lost.” Neji sized them up, radiating a silent threat.

 

Some of the onlookers dispersed, but a few resolute members refused to leave. 

 

Gai stumbled up from his seat, walked forward, and fell face-first onto the floor. 

 

“Oh, gods,” Tenten said. “They’re really about to do this, aren’t they?” 

 

Neji nodded. “We should probably wait outside…” 

 

“Right.” The two of them carefully stepped over Gai and went out the door.

 

Somebody laughed. “Look at this guy. You’re a mess. You think you can take us? Even your students left!” 

 

Gai lifted his head. “Not all of my students. Lee?” 

 

“Yes, sensei!” Rock Lee moved to join him - only to collapse as well. 

 

What was the left of the crowd laughed. “What a joke - let’s get em!” 

 

It was then that Rock Lee and Gai leapt to their feet. 

 

“You fell for it!” they yelled simultaneously, and proceeded to engage their opponents with fluid jabs and kicks nearly invisible to the human eye, dodging every attack. The Drunken Fist rendered them unstoppable, as Neji had said. They cut through the crowd in a wild, efficient frenzy, throwing bodies into tables which broke upon impact and sent shattered wood and glass across the floor. 

 

The group of onlookers dropped one by one. Gai caught Rock Lee’s fist before the boy could complete a finishing blow on the last man standing. 

 

“Gai-sensei - “ 

 

“That’s enough.” Gai examined the wreckage. “I think, perhaps, we went too far.” 

 

“Too far!?” Rock Lee tore his hand from Gai’s grip. “They instigated us!” 

 

“And we’ve ruined this business.” Gai turned to the bar. “Sorry about that!” The bartender looked at him incredulously, too shocked to be mad. Even in a shinobi establishment, violence like this was not often seen. Gai sent him a thumbs up. “Put the damages on my tab!” 

 

Rock Lee and Gai maneuvered through the mess to join Neji and Tenten outside. Any vestiges of the afternoon were gone now, replaced with an encroaching dusk softly illuminated by streetlights. The cool air freshened their skin - combat had forced them to sweat out most of the alcohol; Gai’s control over the Drunken Fist improved with age, and Rock Lee’s ability was right behind his with perhaps too much practice.

 

Their other two teammates sat across the road, munching peacefully on dango bought from a nearby food stand. Tenten looked up at their arrival and swallowed her last bite. “Hey.” 

 

Neji flipped his empty dango skewer between his fingers. “How did it go?” 

 

Gai rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly. “As usual.” 

 

“Of course.” Neji tossed the skewer at Gai - who caught it swiftly - and leaned his back against the warehouse behind him and Tenten. “I told you it was a bad idea.” 

 

“It was worth it,” Rock Lee said. “They were rude!” 

 

“Hubris comes at a great cost, Lee,” Gai told him. “This time, the cost is coming from my wallet.” 

 

“Don’t act all grown up,” Tenten said. “You’re the one who came up with the drinking game.” 

 

“Hey!” Gai threw the skewer at  _ her _ , now. “It’s only because you all wouldn’t leave me alone!” 

 

“Speaking of.” She split the thin stick in half and dropped it to the ground. “You’re not getting out of telling us what went down last night.” 

 

“Nothing went down,” Gai snapped the red hue of his face shifting from embarrassment to anger. 

 

“Somebody went down on somebody,” she said. “It’s just us! We’re your awesome students; don’t we deserve to know?” 

 

“ _ No _ .”

 

Rock Lee stepped toward his teammates to show he was siding with them. “This is not gossip. It will stay between the four of us. We’re only interested because we care about you so much, sensei.” 

 

Neji cocked his head. “What gives? You were excited about it yesterday. Now you aren’t saying anything. Something happened.” 

 

Gai stared at them, realizing they would only continue hounding him into submission. His mouth flattened, and he looked away. “Let’s talk about this elsewhere.” 

 

Rock Lee smiled at Neji and Tenten, both of whom stood up, and the three of them fell into a slow pace behind their sensei. Gai wasn’t sure where he was going. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment - he’d spent enough time there already - and the training grounds were not suitable for quiet conversation. He let himself wander, naturally attracted to the one place he sought for true solace. 

 

His students tittered as they entered the cemetery, but said nothing to vocalize their intruige. The land was cared for by Academy students and the deceased’s families alike, grass neatly trimmed between rows of headstones, fresh flowers interspersed throughout.

 

Gai squatted at a plain headstone at the end of one such row. Rock Lee, Neji, and Tenten sat down next to him.  

 

“I like to come here, sometimes,” Gai said. “Not often as I should, but it helps me think about things I cannot figure out on my own.” He passed his fingertips over the engraving. “I wonder what he would say. Everything I know, I learned from him. To this day, his memory still teaches me.” 

 

Rock Lee sniffed. Gai looked up and saw him wiping tears away. “Sorry,” Rock Lee apologized. “It’s just - you don’t talk about him that much.” 

 

Gai smiled. “There is no need for tears. This is just a placeholder - a decorative memorial. He is not here. He lives on in me, and in you, too. In all of you. That’s why I don’t talk about it - because he is kept alive every day.” 

 

Tenten brought her legs up to her chest, and weaponized her sarcastic levity as she was wont to do, but spoke with seriousness. “I can only imagine what an older, cooler version of you was like, sensei.” It was not an insult, but a kind of backwards compliment.

 

“He was the best,” Gai said. “If you think I am determined, well - my determination pales in comparison to his. He dedicated his life to perfecting the Eight Gates - forsaking rank and reputation so that he could pass it onto me. The Eternal Genin.” Gai shook his head. “To me, he is an Eternal Hero.” 

 

“Yes, he is,” Rock Lee murmured, voice charged with the legacy he carried. 

 

“He’d be proud,” Neji said. “You’re a jounin, one of the best Konoha has to offer. You overcame everyone’s expectations.” 

 

“That’s not the point,” Gai dismissed. “There is nothing to prove to anyone, except to the people precious to you. Anything you achieve to reach that goal is inconsequential. All that matters is what you do with it.” 

 

“He must’ve been a great man, to raise a son like you,” Tenten said. 

 

Gai sat back and laughed. It was a laugh true and unhindered. “Now you’re only flattering me!” 

 

“I mean it!” Tenten tossed a fistful of grass at him. “I really do!”

 

“I know.” Gai brushed his shoulder off. “You must learn how to take a joke. Isn’t that what you tell me?” 

 

“I didn’t know we were being funny,” she huffed. “I won’t hesitate to punch you, even if we are in front of your dad’s grave.” 

 

“I do need some sense smacked into me,” Gai admitted.

 

Her brow furrowed. “What happened between you and Kakashi-sensei?” 

 

“Spare us the details,” Neji quickly added. 

 

“Let him  _ talk _ ,” Rock Lee interjected. 

 

Gai exhaled. He looked up. The days were shortening already, evidenced by the darkening sky. “Something indeed went down. And it went fine.” 

 

“But?” Tenten encouraged. 

 

“But I still have something to prove to him.” Gai gazed back at his father’s name. “Something very important. I don’t know if I can do it.”

 

“That’s unusual,” Neji said. “What happened to believing in yourself?”

 

“My belief has been tested, recently.” Neji prepared for another chastising speech, but Gai cut him off. “That’s why I came here. My father never let anything stop him. If he were here now, he’d tell me that our adversaries, our fears, our hesitations only hold as much power over us as we allow them to.”

 

No one said anything. The wind whistled between headstones, smelling of overturned earth and dry leaves. Gai touched the marble again. It was cold, unfeeling, unimportant. Still, the performance grounded him. 

 

“You didn’t bring any flowers,” Rock Lee said after a moment. 

 

Gai blinked. “What?” 

 

“That’s right.” Tenten gestured down the row. “He looks so boring next to everyone else.” 

 

“He deserves respect,” Neji said. 

 

“It’s unnecessary,” Gai began, “really - “ 

 

His students ignored him and raced to the neighboring treeline. Wildflowers grew in patches, the last full bloom of the season. Neji and Rock Lee competed for the most flowers, while Tenten inspected each of their pickings for color. Gai watched in appreciative amusement. 

 

They returned quickly, and methodically arranged the flowers around the headstone according to size and hue. The display was modestly eclectic with loose roots and frumpled petals, authentic and heartfelt in its spontaneity and unapologetic naturalism. Gai knew his father would approve. 

 

He stood once they finished and gratefully appraised the newly adorned headstone. He did not cry, because there was no need, but an emotion did claw at his chest - it wasn’t sorrow or regret, but a fond sentiment, simple and non-threatening. 

 

Rock Lee bowed low at the grave, Neji and Tenten following in turn. “We will honor your memory with pride,” he vowed. 

 

“Alright, alright,” Gai thumped their backs, indicating that they rise. “Thank you. Truly.” 

 

They smiled in a wordless welcome. 

 

Any lasting fatigue from their alcoholic binge seemingly expunged, the walk back into the village was light and relaxed. Rock Lee challenged Neji to race ahead and Tenten stayed beside Gai, talking about a new set of weaponry she wanted to practice with. 

 

Gai escorted them all to each of their homes - Neji to the Hyuuga compound, Tenten and Rock Lee to their respective apartments. Still feeling restless, he headed to the administrative building afterward to look for an unlikely update on Team 7’s mission. 

 

Tsunade was packing up to leave when he arrived. “I’m off the clock,” she informed, shoving countless forms into countless folders. “If you’re looking for a job already, check the mission board.” 

 

Gai pocketed his hands and tried his best to affect nonchalance as convincing as his Rival’s. “I was only curious about Kakashi’s mission.” 

 

“What, are you stupid? There wouldn’t be any news by now, you know that.” She paused, her expression firm. “In this case, no news is probably the best you can hope for.” 

 

“You’re right, I should’ve assumed.” Gai lingered anyway. “How was your day?” 

 

Tsunade rolled her eyes. “Terrible as usual, Gai.” She gathered some important documents in her arms and regarded him with her intense, all-knowing gaze. “Why don’t you join me? Off the clock - and off the record.” 

 

“Oh.” Gai buried his surprise and nodded hurriedly. “I would be delighted, Hokage-sama.” 

 

She waved a hand, circumventing her desk to stand in front of him. “Please, don’t. I’m not Hokage anymore right now - at least, not bureaucratically.” 

 

“I do not doubt you would jump to our village’s defense, off or on the clock, as you say.” 

 

“Thanks,” she said tersely. “Come on, then.” 

 

Gai was lead through the administrative building to the Hokage’s personal compound a stone’s throw across the street. Lavishly furnished in a variety of colors reflecting the forest for which Konohagakure was named, Tsunade was clearly apathetic toward the affluence and threw her papers down carelessly; they careened off the table to the floor. 

 

Tsunade glided past. Gai bent to pick them up. 

 

“Don’t bother,” she called from a state-of-the-art kitchen. Gai’s suspicion that it only held alcohol was confirmed when she opened the fridge. “Want a drink?” 

 

He righted himself, ignoring the fallen papers. “No thank you. I’ve had enough today.” 

 

“Oh?” Tsunade uncorked a bottle and took a swig. She wiped her mouth and left the kitchen to drop into one of the sitting area’s couches. “What’s the occasion?” 

 

“My students thought I needed to have some fun,” Gai said, lowering in the seat across from her. 

 

“Did the night end in any structural damage?” She snorted when he declined to answer. “I was only joking.” 

 

“It was a bad idea,” Gai granted. “Neji told me so.”

 

“Yeah, he’s a smart kid. It’s a shame the Hyuuga are a bunch of old-fashioned crones. If it were up to me, he’d be running the damn clan - or the whole village. It’d get me out of office.” 

 

“It is disheartening when potential is stifled by frivolous limitations,” Gai said carefully. It was not his place, even as Neji’s sensei, to comment on clan mechanics, especially those belonging to one of Konoha’s oldest surviving clans. 

 

“Anyway,” Tsunade grunted, “I’m off the clock, remember? No politics.” She had another generous sip. “I wanted to talk to you about Kakashi.” 

 

Gai groaned - too frustrated to restrain himself from slumping against the plush cushions at his back. “Hokage-sama, I have already been interrogated by my students.” 

 

“This isn’t about you,” she promised. “I told you, I don’t care. But - I just wanted to discuss some of his report from the other day.” 

 

Gai straightened, despite his instinct to curl up into a ball. “What is it that he said?” he asked with poorly hidden nervousness. 

 

“Nothing exactly. He was just pissed as all hell. That man - ugh. You know better than I do how annoying that guise of his gets. Things get under his skin more than he lets on.” She lowered the bottle, let it swing by its neck, and paused in consideration before continuing. “This - ordeal, you could say - has affected him greatly, of course.” 

 

“As I understood it, we worked out any differences which had come between us,” Gai said. He swallowed. “Was there anything in his report that implied otherwise?” 

 

“For the last time, stop being so self-centered. This isn’t about  _ you _ . I’m just saying, Kakashi is a complete mess. It’s not your fault, but it’s your responsibility as his friend, rival - partner, whatever - to set him right. We both know he doesn’t do well unsupervised and left to his own devices.” 

 

Gai sighed. “I  _ was _ confused by his quick turnaround, emotionally.” 

 

“An admissible oversight given the situation,” Tsunade assured. “That’s why I’m telling you this now that you’re recovered.” The bottle stopped swinging as she narrowed her eyes. “Right?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good.” She fell lax again. “Don’t get me started on the Uchiha brat - it only compounds the issue. He could rot in one of Orochimaru’s snakes and get shit out, for all I care. He chose his path long ago, knowing full well the consequences which it would incur. His team is too  _ noble _ to let it go. I think Naruto’s infected their intelligence.” 

 

“If I may be blunt, Hokage-sama, Kakashi and his students are - “ 

 

Tsunade put her hand up. “You may not be blunt. This isn’t a social call. This is me, as your non-bureaucratic Hokage, trying to give you a tip. Keep an eye on Kakashi.” She downed the rest of the bottle’s contents, set it at her feet, and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. “I can count on one hand how many times I’ve spoken to one of my men like this before. I hold you in high esteem, Gai, and Kakashi as well, if at a lesser extent. Seeing as how you two intersect on a personal level, I thought it’d be best to come at this from a personal angle.” 

 

Gai stayed still and silent, waiting for Tsunade to get to her point. 

 

“Kakashi is a professional,” she said for lack of a better term. “Maybe too professional. That’s the difference between you two. You can handle emotion. I gave you time off, you dealt with your problem, and I can trust you when you say that it’s been sufficiently handled. Kakashi, on the other hand, pretends like nothing phases him, oblivious to the fact that his emotions aren’t going anywhere. They’re just locked away, accruing interest. He’s going to slip, one day. And it’s going to get him killed.” 

 

Gai nodded, once. “I understand perfectly.” 

 

“I know you do,” Tsunade said. Her tone eased in its urgency, turning sympathetic. “I cannot afford Kakashi’s loss. Neither can the village, and most importantly, neither can you. Whatever he needs to get over this mess, and now Sasuke’s newest reappearance, give it to him. It’d benefit both of you. I’m not telling you this as a shinobi, but as someone who cares about Kakashi. The way he spoke of you…” She shook her head. “It was really something else - something I’ve never seen from him before. If there’s anyone who can help him, it is you. Don’t let yourself second-guess that ability.”

 

Gai passed a hand over his face, shaken. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. I promise I will try my best.” 

 

Tsunade smirked. “I’ve got a good sense about these things.” She sprawled across the couch and kicked her heels off, eyes falling shut. “Now leave me alone.” 

 

“Yes, Hokage-sama.” Gai stood and bowed. “Thank you again.” 

 

“Don’t mention it,” she said. “Really, don’t.” 

 

“Mention what?” 

 

She peeked at him with one eye. “Goodnight, Gai.” 

 

Gai didn’t bother with the lights when he got back to his apartment. He undressed slowly, a million thoughts running through his mind, all of them somehow centered on Kakashi. He couldn’t think for long, however. The day’s events were catching up with him, and it’d been a long day indeed. His body felt heavy and worn.

 

To think that morning Kakashi was in his bed, pliant and playful - it felt years away. Gai laid down and hugged a pillow against him, perhaps imagining that Kakashi’s scent still clung to its surface. He sent a quick prayer then fell asleep, believing his father’s spirit would protect him from nightmares. 

 

Whether an actual intercession beyond the grave or merely confirmation bias, Gai woke up well rested without bad dreams and  _ finally _ went out for a run beneath the dark morning sky. 

 

By the second string of laps his exhalations burnt his lungs - he welcomed the pain, excited and alive at the sensation. Winded sooner than usual due to the week-long break from training, Gai quickened even as his body begged him to stop. He pushed through pain and muscle cramps into a high unlike any other. It was a mental and physical plateau, achieved only after wrestling his body into submission and guiding it past its previous limits.

 

Gai felt the breeze on his face sharpen, saw the colors of the purpling dawn clearer than before. He exploded into a penultimate sprint, and circuited Konoha one more time before jogging back home.

 

He climbed into the shower and washed under cold water. A towel wrapped around his waist, he lit a stick of incense and meditated rather successfully this time. Meditation was important as any other discipline according to Gai, but it was the one technique he couldn’t seem to impart to Rock Lee or Tenten; Neji enjoyed it, however. 

 

Gai breathed slowly, letting his thoughts come and go like clouds. Images of his students, his father, and Kakashi filtered past, followed by unavoidable recollections of his mission; these memories remained a bit longer, but dissipated like the others without force. He remained seated, peacefully occupying the emptied space in his mind. 

 

The incense had burnt to its end when he opened his eyes, scent lingering in the air. Gai swept the soft ashes with his hands. He got dressed in a decidedly high-collared shirt and loose pants, made a quick breakfast, then sat on his balcony with a cup of lemonade. 

 

Condensation trickled down his palm as the sun rose - its light fell squarely onto the balcony this time of day. Gai enjoyed sitting here when he could, listening to Konoha sleepily rustle awake. Civilians opened their windows, watering plants and hanging laundry; shinobi leapt across rooftops in all directions; and children chased each other down the street.  _ This _ was what he protected with his life. 

 

He wondered what it would be like to invite Kakashi to this spot, imagined them lounging against each other, drinking lemonade. The vision was ruined with the more realistic thought of Kakashi’s complaints about the light in his face, the noise,  _ Let’s just go back to bed, this isn’t worth it  _ \- until he would force himself onto Gai’s lap and perform scurrilous actions in full view of passerby. Yes, that’s what would actually happen. 

 

Fantasy gave way to reality. Before Gai could worry about Team 7’s mission again, he went inside and poured the last of his lemonade down the drain, then summoned his tortoise friend in the middle of the kitchen. 

 

Ningame appeared in a puff of smoke, a leaf held in his mouth. “I was eating,” he said, and swallowed the last of his snack. “What’s the meaning of this?” 

 

“It’s a beautiful day,” Gai exclaimed. “I thought we could go for a walk!” 

 

“Do I look like a dog?” Ningame asked. 

 

“Not at all! You look like a fine, strong tortoise.” Gai patted the top of his shell. 

 

“Don’t patronize me.” 

 

“I am not. It’s the truth. You are the best summon I could ask for.” 

 

Ningame’s eyes narrowed. Coming from anyone else, the words could be taken as sarcasm. But this was Gai, who only spoke honestly. “What do you want?” 

 

“Your company,” Gai answered simply, walking to the door. “Let’s go!” 

 

Nigame followed slowly. He was a tortoise; he liked to take his time. The apartment complex’s stairs were a small issue, but Gai waited patiently, setting both feet on each step to match Ningame’s pace. Gai had the patience of a saint, a necessary attribute for a tortoise summoner. 

 

“Well here we are,” Ningame droned once they stepped out onto the street. A group of kids sprinted past, and his neck retracted an inch into his shell. “It really is a nice day.” 

 

Gai missed the facetiousness in his tone. “Isn’t it? Fall is coming. Look, you can see the leaves turning red already.” 

 

“Yes, I see them.” 

 

“The changing seasons are a marvel of nature,” Gai said. “Why don’t we go to the forest?” 

 

“Sure.” Ningame lifted a foot. “My short legs are suitable for rough, uneven terrain.” 

 

“Perfect!” 

 

Gai cheerfully proceeded through the village proper, and everyone looked at Ningame with disbelief. Before they reached the outskirts of town, a womanly voice called out. “Gai-sensei!” 

 

“Hm?” Gai turned, and his face erupted in a giant smile. “Ino-chan!” 

 

She waved from the doorway to her family’s flower shop, dressed in plain clothes and signature yellow apron. Gai jogged forward to meet her, Ningame hobbling at his heels.

 

“It’s good to see you,” Ino said. She raised an eyebrow at Ningame. “Eh - who...?” 

 

“I am taking my tortoise for a walk,” Gai informed. “His name is Ningame.” 

 

“Hello,” Ningame said gruffly. 

 

“Hi.” Ino looked back at Gai, her lips quirked with fond exasperation. “I swear, only you… Why don’t you come inside?” 

 

“Let’s,” Ningame said, “I’d love another pointless excursion.” 

 

“Don’t be rude,” Gai chided, following Ino into the shop. He gasped. “Wow!” 

 

Bouquets sat in refrigerated cabinets, bookending wooden displays filled with individual flowers categorized by species. The shelves reached up to the ceiling, positioned in relation to the shopfront windows for maximum or minimum sun exposure. 

 

Gai stilled, taking in the beautiful sight. “This is magnificent, Ino-chan!”

 

“Thanks. It’s a lot less magnificent taking care of all this.” She pulled a pair of clippers from her apron pocket and began trimming leaves off of an arrangement sitting beside the cash register. “But it can be relaxing, sometimes, and my parents appreciate the help.” 

 

“I’ll clean up,” Ningame said. 

 

“Oh, sure.” Ino stepped aside, leaving Ningame room to munch the fallen leaves. 

 

“Do you lose business this time of year?” Gai asked. “With the cold coming in.” 

 

“Not really. We grow seasonal plants indoors and keep the basics in stock. Roses, tulips, that type of stuff.” 

 

Gai strode toward a display shelf and rubbed a velvety petal between his fingertips. “Your family’s cultivation of beauty is admirable. I am jealous!” 

 

“It’s a nice break from being a shinobi.” Ino lowered her clippers and leaned against the counter, crossing her ankles. “Anyone can do it.” 

 

“I only have simple houseplants.” Gai’s hand fell away. “I take care of them when I can, but I couldn’t grow flowers such as these.” 

 

“You don’t need to grow them. You can buy them here and take them home. We have ikebana classes, if you want to learn how to make arrangements. If it’s dead by the time you get back, you can just make another.” 

 

“Really? What do they look like?” 

 

She smiled at his boyish interest. “I’ll show you.” 

 

Ino lead him past the counter, to a room in the back of the shop. Vases of all sizes lined long tables, accompanied by small tools and bowls for water. She pulled down a bundle of blossoms and branches from a shelf and had Gai sit at one such station. 

 

She filled the bowl with water and guided Gai through the process, explaining different parts of an arrangement. “The longest portion represents heaven,” she said, and Gai picked up a reedy sprig. He trimmed its stem in the bowl of water, then plopped it into the vase. Next, he chose a thick spring branch for his second portion, which represented man, and set it at the prescribed angle opposite of the sprig. The last portion represented earth, grounding and supporting all other parts. For this, he used a large white peony; its petals turned silvery in shadow, and reminded Gai of Kakashi’s hair. 

 

“There you go,” Ino said, turning the vase against the light. The resulting composition was elegantly geometric, starting with the full peony, moving up into the wide spring branch, and dissolving in the sprig’s thin arc. 

 

Gai smiled at her. “That was fun! Thank you, Ino-chan.” 

 

“No problem. You’ve got an eye for this, you know,” she complimented, brushing the errant trimmings to the floor, where Ningame had been waiting. “You should come to one of our classes.” 

 

“Maybe I will!” 

 

“You can take this one home.” She pushed the vase towards him. “It was just leftovers from the last class; you don’t need to pay for anything.” 

 

Gai took the vase in his hands. “I appreciate it.” 

 

“I know you do.” Her mouth pursed, and she paused. “How has everything been?” 

 

“I’m doing well,” Gai answered honestly. 

 

Ino watched him for a moment, then grinned; his joyful expression required no further confirmation. “I’m glad. You were scaring me there, for a little bit.” 

 

“I was fearful as well,” Gai admitted. “But like everything else, this tribulation shall pass. I’ve returned to active duty.” 

 

“That’s good. I don’t want to know what it’d be like to see you all cooped up. You’re too energetic.” 

 

“Kakashi has been helpful in that regard,” Gai said, unaware of the accidental innuendo. Ino let it slide, not wanting to give him reason to leave just yet. “Unfortunately, his team got an impromptu mission this morning.” 

 

He didn’t say anything else, but Ino was Sakura’s best friend, and understood the implication. Her smile diminished as she looked down. “Stupid Billboard Brow. She’s changed so much since we were genin, but still can’t let go of her dumb, lovestruck fantasy. I’d like Sasuke-kun to come home too, but I’m not going to waste any more time trying to force him back.” 

 

The first failed retrieval was a sore spot for her, Gai knew, especially with how it affected Chouji and Shikamaru. “That may be your decision,” he said, “but you cannot judge Sakura-chan or her teammates. If they gave up, who would be left to welcome Sasuke-kun home?”

 

“I guess you have a point,” Ino muttered. “I just wish it wasn’t at their own cost.” 

 

“It is hard to understand, but to them, that cost is worth it.” 

 

She lifted her head, shoulders relaxing. “I hope they know what they’re getting into.” 

 

“They don’t,” Gai stated, with gentleness. “We don’t either. All we can do is support them.” 

 

“But how? I feel helpless.” 

 

“That’s untrue.” Gai set the vase aside and took her hand. “You are a capable, compassionate kunoichi. You have helped me immensely. Not only on our mission, but today. Sakura-chan is lucky to have a friend like you.” 

 

“Oh - “ Ino sniffed to deter sudden tears. “You always know what to say. Even if it is sappy.” 

 

“Kakashi said I should write a book.” 

 

She laughed, squeezing his hand. “It’d be a bestseller. What would you call it?” 

 

“I don’t know, actually.” Gai paused, considering. “Maybe,  _ The Springtime of Youth: How to Blossom the Hidden Strength and Wisdom Inside Your Own Heart _ !”

 

“That’s a little long,” she said, “but it’s a work in progress, right?” 

 

“Yes,” Gai agreed, “it is.” 

 

Ino sent him off with a tight hug and the ikebana arrangement. He dropped the flowers off at his apartment, intending to resume his initial trip to the forest with Ningame, but the tortoise declined. 

 

“I can’t walk,” he said, settling down in a nice patch of sunlight on the floor of the living room. “I’m too full.” 

 

“You’re too lazy,” Gai corrected, sitting next to him. “If you want to leave, you can.” 

 

“Nah.” Ningame yawned. “It is a nice day, you were right. Besides…” He narrowed his eyes. “I want to know what that girl was talking about. She sounded concerned.” 

 

Unwilling to meet his summon’s gaze, Gai stared at the vase resting on a table beside the open window. Its interesting shapes cast interesting shadows, ruffled every now and then by the slight breeze. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve handled it.” 

 

“You entered a contract,” Ningame reminded. “Part of your obligation is to let me know what the hell is going on. You rarely summon me, and only for battle. That’s all the information I need, normally. But this is abnormal - keeping me around like some dog for your entertainment… I’m not worried.” Ningame laughed a deep, raspy croak. “Just a little nosy!” 

 

“Ugh - Ningame!” Gai laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling. “There was a mission.” 

 

“How surprising,” Ningame drawled. He stretched his neck, butting Gai’s temple. “What happened, on this mission?” 

 

Gai slapped him away, and went through the story for what felt like the hundredth time. It was uncomfortable, but not so overwhelming he had to stop. He skirted around the intimacies with Kakashi, then spoke of his joy from yesterday morning and how it abruptly ended at Kakashi’s leave. 

 

“I didn’t want to be alone,” he confessed. He’d rolled onto his stomach mid-conversation, his cheek cushioned on his folded hands. “That is why I requested your company.” 

 

“I’m not a pet,” Ningame said. “It sounds like you’ve got this figured out. You’re a self-sufficient man. That much has been proven yet again. What’s the use of me being here?” 

 

“I already told you. I didn’t want to be by myself.” 

 

“That’s not the problem, and you know it!” 

 

Gai startled at the outburst. “I didn’t, I swear!” 

 

“Then you’re stupid,” Ningame snapped. “What have I told you about the tortoise and the hare?” 

 

“That hares are indomitable know-it-alls?”

 

Ningame slammed his foot down. “No! That the tortoise always wins the race. You’re one of us now, Gai. You’ve got the patience, but you only use it when you want to! When you don’t like it, you forget all of your discipline.” 

 

Gai sat up, incensed. “That’s not true! I have disciplined myself for  _ decades _ , ever since I was a child - “ 

 

“Physical discipline - “ Ningame scoffed. “ _ Training _ . If you think that’s all it takes, you’re more obtuse than I thought. This little tiff, it’s got you all tied up, because you lack mental discipline. You let your emotions go haywire, you take everything too personally, and you can’t allow yourself inactivity.” 

 

“What do you want me to do? I’m trying my best!” 

 

“No you aren’t. A little meditation - that’s just some quiet time. You don’t  _ get  _ it.” 

 

“Then  _ help _ me!” 

 

Ningame growled, “Follow my lead,” and retracted all of his limbs into his shell. 

 

Gai frowned. He crossed his arms and legs in an imitation of the tortoise’s reclusion. 

 

“You’ve come out of your shell, alright,” Ningame said, his voice echoing strangely, “but that’s only the first lesson. Sometimes, you need to go back in. Shut up. Listen. And wait…” 

 

“I do not have a shell,” Gai said, thinking logistically. 

 

“It’s a metaphor. Lay down.” 

 

Gai complied, curled in on himself. “Okay.” 

 

“Now, relax. Don’t move. Don’t think about anything. Don’t think about not thinking. Don’t think about breathing.” 

 

Gai did so. A minute passed before he twitched. “I don’t like this.” 

 

“See?” Ningame’s head popped out. “You can’t do it. What objective do you have in meditating?” 

 

“To empty my mind,” Gai said, as if it were obvious. 

 

“That’s wrong. There’s nothing to empty. You just need to  _ be _ , and  _ that’s _ the problem. You’ve always been a son, a shinobi, a rival, a sensei. You’ve always got something to do. When there’s nothing to do, you make something up to appease yourself. It’s terrible. It’s why people don’t like you.” 

 

Gai’s eyes widened, memories of his lonely youth flashing through his mind. He made no attempt to mask the hurt at Ningame’s statement. “People like me… I’ve made sure of it.” 

 

“Until you go overboard. I’m saying this because it’s the truth. You wanted my company - you got it.” Ningame’s body jerked in a weird sort of a shrug. “Remember when that student of yours nearly died?” 

 

Gai scowled. “I do not want to talk about it.”

 

“But really, what could you have done?” Ningame asked. “Nothing. So you decided to kill yourself, too, if it came to it. That wouldn’t have changed anything. But you did it to make yourself feel better, to know you were doing something, even if it was pointless and wasteful.” 

 

“I…” Gai’s furrowed brow evened, and his shoulders drooped. “You are right.” 

 

“Now there’s this horrible mission. You got through it, and pushed Dog Breath away - why? Because it was the only solution available, besides doing nothing. He never let up, forced you to come to terms with it all - that play fight you had in his illusion, it wasn’t a second chance. You were making up for your inaction. He let you act it out, because you needed to, because you can’t do anything  _ but _ act out.” 

 

Ningame extended his limbs, and rested against Gai’s leg. 

 

“Except Dog Breath’s gone. You’re back to square one. All alone, with nothing to do. I’m not worried in the slightest, Gai. You’ll be fine. You’re resilient. You’ve got your own shell, one you’ve built yourself. Let it protect you. Take advantage of it. It’s okay to retreat, to back down when you need to. Take things slow...it’s the only way to win. The hare always loses.”

 

Gai sat for a long time, soaking in his summon’s words. After few minutes, he started petting Ningame’s shell. The texture was rough under his skin. “But how will I be able to forget about all of this,” he quietly asked, “if I don’t do anything to stop it?” 

 

“You can’t forget. Don’t even try. You said it yourself to the girl - it’ll pass, eventually. Just suffer through it. Stop acting out, and wait it out. That is the only way. It’s easier than you think, to give up.” 

 

“I do not give up on anything,” Gai vowed. “Least of all myself.” 

 

“Not like that,” Ningame groaned. “Are you even listening? Stop resisting. Give up your resistance. You can’t fight your way out of this one, Gai, I’m telling you.” 

 

“Hm.” Gai focused on stroking Ningame’s shell. “Everyone keeps saying I should write a book. I think you should instead.”

 

Ningame huffed. “My wisdom is privy to only a select few.” 

 

“Thank you.” Gai scratched under Ningame’s chin, despite his earlier protestation that he wasn’t a pet. “I am honored.” 

 

“Did it make sense?” Ningame asked. “Do you understand?”

 

“Yes. I do.” 

 

“Good. I’d like to head out now - make sure not to waste my time again.” 

 

Gai nodded. Unbeknownst to either of them, they would not see each other until Gai battled Hoshigaki Kisame. He dismissed Ningame in a flourish of hand signs. 

 

Wanting to take the tortoise’s advice to heart, Gai prepared the food he bought for Team 7 the previous day. Looking back, the meal was a foolhardy idea. Team 7 would no doubt be exhausted upon return and prefer seclusion to forced socialization. He realized he’d felt as helpless as Ino, but unlike her, prepared to insert himself into their affairs. Ningame was correct - Gai couldn’t tolerate passivity in himself, but hypocritically advocated it for others. 

 

He stored the leftovers, which would last for a week at least, then got to practicing doing nothing. 

 

Kakashi’s laziness was truly an art. Gai didn’t know where to begin. He turned the TV on to his aerobic program, but realized that was exercise, and switched to a boring movie. Lacking the attention span to follow the plot, Gai mentally criticized the action scenes’ exaggerated taijutsu until the movie ended two hours later. 

 

Afterward, he went back to the balcony and watched the village. The sun fastened to its midday apex, corresponding shade cloaked the alcove; Gai had brought the flower arrangement out anyway to bask in the warmth, which would become scant in just a few weeks. He continually adjusted its composite parts, leaving the peony plenty of room to breathe. 

 

Streets emptied as everyone dipped inside homes and restaurants for lunch. A resulting busy silence passed over the village. Gai leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on the balcony railing, and observed a trio of birds preening on an electrical line. Amused by their petulant squawks, he found himself acclimating to laziness, and accidentally fell asleep. The nap came naturally, unforced without physical exhaustion or Kakashi’s assistance. It was a new, but pleasant, experience.  

 

He awoke slowly, due to the slipping shade. The birds were gone, the sun moved on, and the village had resumed its daytime pace. Gai went inside, unsure of what to do. He sat on his bed for a few minutes, thinking, worried if he was thinking too much, and looked up. 

 

His eyes fell upon a bright spot of orange on his nightstand - a copy of  _ Icha Icha Violence _ , the second of three volumes. Kakashi must’ve forgot it coming in and out of the apartment. Gai opened the novel to the dog-ear Kakashi left behind.

 

Pages worn and curling, the book had clearly been reread multiple times. The protagonist, a dashing shinobi, chased his elusive lover across the elemental nations, encountering many foes in his journey. The fights were surprisingly well written, but Gai found himself more engrossed in the love story. The protagonist was turned down by his lover at every turn, even when he tried protecting her in battle. 

 

Their constant back-and-forth manifested in several emotional scenes. Gai couldn’t help tearing up at some of the protagonist’s declarations of love, constructed with authenticity and skill. Whoever the author was, he could tell they wrote from experience. 

 

The book was surprisingly good. Until Gai arrived at the first of many steamy bits. Equally aghast and intrigued, he didn’t stop reading, blushing even though he was alone. 

 

The main characters arrived at a hot spring - three whole pages detailed the love interest stripping her clothes as the protagonist watched behind a paper screen. 

 

“ _...Her smooth, muscular calves were revealed as she removed her trousers _ ,” Gai muttered. “ _ Her legs were covered with a variety of scars old and new. Instead of detracting from her beauty, there was something undoubtedly alluring about it. She wasn’t only a beautiful woman - but a powerful kunoichi. They were complete equals in mind, body, and ability… _ ” 

 

The protagonist announced himself. A short disclaimer informed Gai that the love interest would usually flee upon discovering him. “ _ But that fateful evening _ ,” Gai read, “ _ she was unusually sentimental and forgiving. She lowered into the hot spring, beckoning him forward. Steam hissed into the air as he stepped in the water and waded toward her. She met him with open arms, pulled his body flush against her own. He couldn’t believe his luck. ‘Just this once,’ she whispered, ‘just this one time. I’m so tired of running. Aren’t you? _ ’”

 

Gai gasped, unaware that he’d been holding his breath. He shut the book and placed it where he found it, then hid beneath the covers. 

 

Sometime during reading he switched the characters out for himself and Kakashi. Chasing each other around, jumping to one another’s defense, never consummating their bond. Gai pictured them at a hot spring - Kakashi would sit in silence as he took off his clothes, waiting for the right moment. 

 

But after decades of experience, Gai could recognize his Eternal Rival’s presence.  _ I know you’re there _ , he’d say, or perhaps something more clever, like  _ You haven’t been able to hide from me for years, Rival _ . 

 

Kakashi would walk past the paper screen into view.  _ I’m just enjoying the sights. _

 

_ Come here, _ Gai would cooly invite. 

 

Then Kakashi - honestly surprised for once - would hurriedly undress and jump in, the water sluicing over his pale skin. Moved to speechlessness, he’d stand in front of Gai, unsure of how to proceed, and Gai would hold him close.  _ Just this once _ , Gai would whisper,  _ just this one time. I’m so tired of running. Aren’t you? _

 

Kakashi’s reply, barely audible:  _ Yes _ . 

 

Gai opened his eyes and looked down. His pants were tented. He huffed, shifting his hips. This was stupid - he felt like he was thirteen again, back when he used to run away after challenges all the time, aroused and confused. 

 

But Ningame told him to stop resisting. Surely this wasn’t what his summon had in mind, but he had to start somewhere. 

 

Gai forced himself to relax. He slid his hand under the hem of his pants to grasp his erection, closed his eyes again, and resumed the daydream. 

 

It was similar in concept to his nightmare from the other day, except he was conscious and dictated what happened. The hot water, well,  _ hot _ around them, enabled Gai to position Kakashi weightlessly against the spring’s natural rock wall. Kakashi would arch his back in anticipation.

 

_ I’ve waited so long _ , he’d confess. And Gai would say,  _ I know _ . Or,  _ Wait no more _ , and offer him a dazzling smile. 

 

Even in his fantasies, Kakashi was sarcastic.  _ Hurry up, then.  _

 

But Gai wouldn’t hurry. He’d be slow, methodical, affording great care in preparation, gentle as possible and somewhere deep down, subconsciously, a tad sadistic - because it was fun to see Kakashi squirm. 

 

Gai thrust into his closed fist at the thought of Kakashi coming unglued beneath him. He timed the images perfectly, ejaculating in real life and in his mind’s eye simultaneously. Moaning, he twisted to rut shamelessly against the bed, then dropped to his stomach, breathing heavily. 

 

Kakashi’s absence all the more apparent, Gai stared at the spine of  _ Icha Icha Violence.  _ The book sat on the end table, as if mocking him. 

 

“Be safe, Rival,” Gai murmured. “I promise, I won’t make you wait any longer.” 

 

Gai himself had to wait three more days before Kakashi’s return. 

 

It was strange to have extended time off. Despite reactiving his duties, Tsunade must’ve thought he still needed a break - or, less conspiratorially, there was simply a lull in available work. Konoha’s resources were limited, spread in all different directions; they couldn’t afford to take each request that came by, and stuck to internal interests or matters of national security. Sasuke was a mix of both. 

 

In the meantime, Gai tried his best to relax. He helped Tenten develop a new fighting technique, aided Rock Lee in perfecting some difficult taijutsu, and put Neji’s Byakugan to the test with a top-speed spar. One evening Ino invited him back for another ikebana class, which held a mix of civilians, veterans, and shinobi. Everyone watched Gai amusedly as he situated the gentle plants with his big hands, yet it was unmistakable that he was a natural at it.

 

Gai came home afterward, carrying his new arrangement. Halfway up the stairs, he noticed a familiar chakra signature inside of his apartment. He dropped the vase - it shattered, spilling everywhere - and ran to his door. 

 

“Kakashi!” he bellowed upon entering, but Kakashi was nowhere in sight. Gai practically galloped to the bedroom. His Rival wasn’t there, either. Finally, Gai climbed out onto his balcony. 

 

It was an oddly cold night, a premonition of what was to come. The twilight augmented by a chilly breeze, everything felt a bit darker, constricting. 

 

Kakashi sat in a chair in the corner, melded with the shadows except for his legs which were stretched atop the railing. 

 

Gai stood still, unsure if Kakashi would deny an approach. “How - how long have you been back?” 

 

“Couple of hours,” Kakashi shrugged. His voice was hoarse. Gai stepped forward, no longer blocking the light emanating from inside of the apartment. It lit up Kakashi’s tight posture.

 

“I didn’t know,” he said. “I would’ve come to see you immediately.” 

 

“It’s okay. The report took awhile, anyway.” Kakashi stared at him, his mask and hitai-ate hiding most of his face. “Where’ve you been?” 

 

“The Yamanaka flower shop, if you can believe it. Ino-chan teaches classes. I like it a lot.” 

 

“Is that what that is?” Kakashi asked. 

 

The original arrangement sat in in the corner near the railing; Gai had forgotten to bring it inside, and the plants were slowly wilting in the lowered temperature. The peony’s petals had started to brown, losing their silver hue. “I made it a few days ago,” Gai said. “The flower reminded me of your hair.” 

 

Kakashi snorted. “That’s ridiculous. It looks nice, though.” 

 

“You’ve been in my thoughts,” Gai admitted; quite an understatement. “I’ve been worried about you.” 

 

“Yeah. Well. I’ve been worried about you too.” 

 

“How did it go?” 

 

“How do you think? The same as usual.” Kakashi slouched in his seat. “Sasuke got mad, Naruto got hurt - that’s why we came back early - and Sakura felt sad for them both. Sai was mostly just confused. It went to shit, like I knew it would.” 

 

“There’s always next time,” Gai said. 

 

“That only makes it worse. Maybe I’m just too old for this.” 

 

Gai noticed the bags under his eye, the barely-compressed signs of exhaustion and stress causing him to tremble. “May I touch you?” 

 

The fact that it was the same request Kakashi used on him did not go unnoticed. “Do you really need to ask?” 

 

“This is still new between us.” 

 

“No, it isn’t.” 

 

“I suppose not, Rival.” Gai slid over Kakashi’s lap and cupped his clothed jaw. “What are you trying to hide?” 

 

“Nothing. Just waiting for you to make the first move.” 

 

“I am making it.” Gai folded his mask down, kissed him softly, just once. “I missed you.” 

 

Kakashi exhaled, his chest rising against Gai’s. “I missed you, too. I’m tired, is all.” 

 

“Do you want to lay down?” 

 

“No - I’m too tired to sleep, even. I think I’ll just sit here all night.” 

 

Gai frowned. “Don’t start that.” 

 

“Start what?” 

 

“I - “ Gai glanced away, gathering courage, then looked back. 

 

Kakashi’s eye narrowed in scrutiny. “What is it?”

 

“I’m so tired of running,” he recited. “Aren’t you?” 

 

“What the hell? You read my book?” Kakashi punched his side. “I knew I forgot it!” 

 

Gai did not dodge his hit. “It was interesting, the part you left on. I particularly enjoyed the five paragraphs about the woman’s voluptuous curves.” 

 

“It’s good literature,” Kakashi said, smirking. Mirth danced in his eye; Gai’s heart warmed at its reappearance. “I’m an intellectual  _ scholar _ . I’m surprised you appreciated its depth and nuance.” 

 

“Well - it does have some real world applications.” 

 

“Oh, yeah?” 

 

“Yes. I understand why you like it so much now.” 

 

“And why’s that?” 

 

“It reminds you of us!” 

 

Kakashi did not deny the claim. “Who is who, then?” 

 

“We are both characters, all at once. The written word cannot contain our ever-changing relationship.” 

 

“We are pretty complicated,” Kakashi assented. 

 

“No,” Gai corrected, leaning close again. “We only make things complicated.” 

 

Kakashi hummed. “I guess. Since when were you so smart?” 

 

“I’ve always been smarter than you, Rival.” 

 

“Sure, whatever you say…” Kakashi canted his neck just so, connecting their lips. 

 

Gai nudged him back to gain better access, except the chair creaked underneath them. “We should go inside.”

 

“I don’t want to get up.”

 

“We’ll break the chair. Anyone could see us up here.” 

 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

 

“You need to rest.” Gai slipped off of his lap and pulled him up. “Have you had anything to eat?” 

 

“Nothing but ration bars,” Kakashi said, following Gai back into the apartment. “We couldn’t stop to eat because of Naruto.” 

 

Gai looked over his shoulder. “Was he seriously harmed?” 

 

Kakashi shook his head. “No, he’s just a serious idiot. I’m sure Tsunade and Sakura are both lecturing him right now; they’re at the hospital.” 

 

“What happened?”

 

“Sasuke happened.” Kakashi didn’t elaborate, and deposited his jounin vest, mask, and hitai-ate on the living room couch. “I’m going to go change.” 

 

Gai noticed the bruises on his neck were faded but still visible, and grinned. “Will you be wearing my clothes all the time?” 

 

“It’s only fair.” 

 

“Yes, but I only borrowed yours once.” 

 

Kakashi waved a hand, sidestepping him. “Semantics.” 

 

“At least put on a jumpsuit,” Gai called after him, “you’d look even more handsome.” 

 

“Over my dead body,” Kakashi replied down the hall.

 

Gai went to the kitchen and pulled out the prepped meal. If he couldn’t treat Team 7 as a whole, he would at least feed their sensei. 

 

Just as he finished plating the food, Kakashi sat at the table wearing a green t-shirt and orange sweats,  _ Icha Icha Violence  _ in hand. “You really ought to upgrade your color scheme,” he said, flipping the book open. “This is just tacky.” 

 

“I like it. Green is a good earthy color, and orange represents my bright, youthful passion!” 

 

“Naruto’s got loads of that. Maybe you two should design a line of orange jumpsuits together.” 

 

Gai laughed. “That would put every other clothing store out of business! Konoha would adopt them as our official uniform.”

 

“Nevermind then.” 

 

“Do you want anything to drink?” Gai asked, standing at the cupboard.

 

“Something that’ll get me drunk.” 

 

“Rival, I will not make love to you under the influence.” 

 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. He shut his book - probably hadn’t even read anything - and leaned back. “Oh. Is that where this is headed?”

 

“It seemed as if you wanted it that way.” Gai filled two cups with water and sat down at the table. “Sorry, water is all I have. Neji broke my teapot.” 

 

“I don’t care.” Kakashi got back to the topic at hand. “What do you mean, make love to me?” 

 

Gai looked into his eyes, no longer resisting. “Your offer, from our last night together - I am ready to accept.” 

 

“Ah.” Kakashi picked up his fork, as if they were discussing the weather. “What changed your mind?” 

 

“Ningame. And some memories of my father.” 

 

“Really?” Kakashi looked at him confusedly. “What exactly were you up to while I was gone?” 

 

“I tried to take it easy. Even with help, it was incredibly difficult. You’ll have to teach me how to be lazy.” 

 

Kakashi’s face relaxed into a grin. “No problem. We can start right now.” 

 

“Eat first.” 

 

“Alright, jeeze.” Kakashi hunched over the table. “You’re back to being a mother hen, I see.” 

 

Gai didn’t rise to the insult, and Kakashi had no other remarks. They ate their dinner without speaking, Gai’s proclamation weighing heavily in the air. 

 

“Done.” Kakashi pushed his plate away. “I ate my vegetables and everything.” 

 

“Have some seconds,” Gai suggested, only halfway finished. 

 

“I really don’t have much of an appetite,” Kakashi informed, his fatigue showing again. “Take your time, though. We don’t want to rush things, right?” 

 

“Right.” Gai continued eating, and Kakashi resumed pretending to read. 

 

Afterward Kakashi forced him out of the kitchen to clean their dishes, so Gai went into the bedroom, lit a single lamp, and sprawled across the mattress in a crude attempt at allure. 

 

Kakashi halted in the doorway just a few minutes later. “What are you doing?” 

 

“I am turning you on,” Gai said, his head propped on his elbow, one leg bent at the knee. “Is it working?” 

 

“No.” 

 

Gai frowned, dropping the pose. “Oh.” 

 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “You don’t need to do anything extra to turn me on.” He laid down and sighed, settling into the pillows. “Damn. This is nice.” 

 

“If you want to sleep, we can wait.”

 

Gai started to roll out of bed, but Kakashi took his hand to keep him in place. “No way.” 

 

He lowered back down and smiled ruefully, aware that any attempt at convincing Kakashi was fruitless. “You’ve only just got back. You’re exhausted, I can tell.”

 

“No, I’m wide awake. See?” Kakashi curled over Gai’s side, eyes widened. “Look.” 

 

“Cut it out,” Gai laughed, pushing Kakashi off of him, then burrowed deeper into the blankets. They laid facing each other, centimeters apart. “I don’t know how I managed without you.” 

 

Kakashi stroked his jaw. “It sounds like you managed just fine.” 

 

Gai relaxed at the touch. “I’m back on active duty.” 

 

“That was quick.” 

 

“Did you expect anything less?” 

 

“No, not really.” Kakashi thread his fingers through Gai’s hair. “You need a haircut.” 

 

“Maybe I should grow it out,” Gai said, “like when we were young.” 

 

Kakashi flicked his ear. “And offset the size of your eyebrows?” 

 

Gai waggled said eyebrows. “You like them?” 

 

“They’re fat, sexy caterpillars.” Kakashi dragged his thumb across Gai’s brow bone. He seemed to be partaking in a ritualistic, tactile reorientation, which Gai had no qualms about. “I’ve had nightmares about you shaving them off.” 

 

“Is that a joke?” 

 

Kakashi dropped his hand. “No.” 

 

“I can assure you a tragedy like that shall never come to pass,” Gai promised. “I used to think you were hideously deformed, and that’s why you wore the mask. But of course, you were only hiding your handsome looks so you wouldn’t distract the whole village!” 

 

“Ah, yes, that’s it,” Kakashi said. “You’ve figured me out, Gai.” 

 

“Of course I have, Rival.” 

 

They quieted. It was nice to be together again. Gai hoped the pain of separation would wane as time wore on, but a deeper part of himself knew that pain had always been there, only now more pronounced because they could be honest about it. 

 

Kakashi spoke first. “You look good. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” 

 

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Gai said. “All that matters is I am able to take care of you.” 

 

“It’s not about  _ me _ .”

 

“You’re wrong.” Gai roped his arms around Kakashi’s waist. “Everything about me is also about you.” 

 

“That sounds like  _ Icha Icha _ ,” Kakashi muttered, falling slack in Gai’s hold. “You shouldn’t read it anymore. It’s going to make you cheesier than ever.” 

 

“I came up with it myself. I’m very eloquent, you know.” 

 

“Then we’re hopeless.” 

 

“Besides,” Gai continued, “the only thing your book inspired was an act of passion.” 

 

Kakashi stiffened at the implication. “What...do you mean?” he asked slowly.

 

“I couldn’t help myself,” Gai admitted, and grazed his lips over Kakashi’s cheek. “The imagery was quite imaginative.” 

 

“You jerked off.” Kakashi wormed away from Gai’s mouth to pin him with an investigative stare. “About what?”

 

“You and I, a hot spring.” 

 

“Any particular position?” 

 

Gai chuckled. “It always comes down to that, doesn’t it?” 

 

Kakashi turned impatient. “Just answer the question.”

 

“I fucked you.” The words felt strange, rough and cheap - but Kakashi’s expression melted as if he’d given a soliloquy. 

 

“Gai,” he whispered, “I was only joking, before. You don’t have to - “ 

 

“I’m tired of running away, Rival.” 

 

“You’re not running from anything,” Kakashi said. “I’m right here. This isn’t about courage, or some challenge - “ 

 

“But it is, isn’t it?” Gai asked. “We are equals, are we not? You deserve this.” 

 

“I don’t  _ deserve _ anything. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.” 

 

“Then let me give you this.” Gai moved over Kakashi, pressed him down into the bed. “Please.” 

 

Kakashi frowned, his body unresponsive. “If you think you have to prove yourself to me, you’re wrong.” 

 

“No,” Gai said. “This is something I need to prove to myself.” 

 

Kakashi didn’t look away. Jaw tilted upward, the bruises along his neck were in full view. Gai watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Okay. If this is what you need.”

 

Gai swooped down, ran his lips over Kakashi’s purpling neck. Kakashi gasped, but didn’t move. Grateful, Gai nosed his ear, kissed up the side of his face. 

 

“I’ve waited decades,” he confided, brushing Kakashi’s hair away from his eyes; the Sharingan catalogued his every move. “You are beautiful.” 

 

Kakashi laughed breathlessly. “I’m not even naked, yet.” 

 

“I don’t mean physically. But,” Gai added, “if you are so concerned…” He sat back on his heels, allowing Kakashi to sit up. “I,” he paused, unsure of how to voice his request. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Kakashi said, understanding. He smirked, to lighten Gai’s anxiety. “I’ll strip, if you want me to.” 

 

Before Gai could bluster a response, Kakashi began removing his shirt. The green fabric dragged over his lean torso and thin arms. His body - deceivingly delicate, powerful muscles hidden beneath a wiry frame and poor posture - was revealed inch by inch. Gai watched, mesmerized, wishing for Kakashi’s eidetic memory.

 

Kakashi tossed his shirt and sat for a moment, left in the orange sweatpants. Gai raked over each of his scars and blemishes, the shadows between bones and musculature. Heart thundering, he tried fight the sight of Kakashi covered in sweat, dirt,  _ his  _ own blood, which bubbled to the forefront of his mind. 

 

“Hey.” Kakashi leaned forward, and guided Gai’s palms toward his bare torso with both hands. “It’s alright. Look at me.” 

 

Gai blinked, focused on Kakashi presently in front of him. His wrists flexed against Kakashi’s strong hold. Under his palm, Kakashi’s heart beat and lungs expanded. 

 

“Touch me,” Kakashi encouraged.

 

Tentatively, hands shaking, Gai explored his body. He counted Kakashi’s ribs, fingered the length of every scar, traced the rise of his hips and clavicle, trailed down his shoulders and arms. He stopped, gripping Kakashi’s fingers, and started to cry.

 

Alarmed, Kakashi squeezed him back. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I never thought I’d see you like this,” Gai said. 

 

“Oh, Gai. Only you ever could.” Kakashi let go, got onto his knees, and held Gai’s face. “You must’ve known,” he implored. 

 

Gai tried backing away, but Kakashi kept him in place. “No. Not since - not anymore.” 

 

Kakashi’s face tightened. “Stop it. Stop it, you - you  _ idiot _ . I want this. I want you.”

 

“But - “ 

 

“Shut up.” Kakashi shook him. “I thought you finally understood. My feelings haven’t changed.” 

 

“Mine have,” Gai confessed miserably. “I changed my mind. I can’t.” 

 

“Fine.” Kakashi released him, sat down. “You don’t have to. But I know you want to.”

 

Gai shivered, deprived of Kakashi’s warmth. “I do.”

 

“Then what?” Kakashi sharply prompted. “Are you going to run, go back on your word?” 

 

Gai shrugged. 

 

Kakashi scoffed, glanced away. “Unbelievable.” He looked back, suddenly inspired. “I’ve got a challenge for you.”

 

Gai closed his eyes. “Rival.” 

 

“Have sex with me, Gai.”

 

“Please, you don’t know - “ 

 

“But I do.” Kakashi stretched across the empty space between them and kissed Gai. Unable to resist, Gai moaned, curling into him. “I know exactly,” Kakashi murmured, “what’s going on.” 

 

“Kakashi…”

 

“Just like this.” Kakashi fell onto his back, yanking Gai on top of him. “Don’t stop, Gai.” 

 

Gai could never back down from a challenge. He kissed Kakashi through his tears, ground their hips together. 

 

“That’s it,” Kakashi said. And, declaring with gentle finality, “I love you.” 

 

“I - “ Gai hid in the side of Kakashi’s neck, overcome with conflicting emotions. Resolute determination, inescapable fear, and, overriding it all, infallible devotion. 

 

Kakashi shushed him and rubbed his back consolingly. “I know. It’s okay. You let me know, a long time ago.” He turned, depositing Gai so that their positions were reversed. “I’m just returning the sentiment, late as always.”

 

Gai relented to Kakashi’s authority. Kakashi undressed him, spread his legs, assessed his naked body which exposed his arousal unencumbered by words or mental lamentations. “Tell me to stop, or to keep going, and I will.”

 

Quivering, Gai remained silent. 

 

“Say something,” Kakashi demanded. 

 

“Yes,” Gai exhaled, the word all he could manage, itself a benediction. 

 

Kakashi bent over. He paused, breath fanning out over Gai’s abdomen. “I thought about this my entire mission,” he professed, then licked Gai’s erection - inquisitively, almost insecure. 

 

“ _ Oh _ ,” Gai wheezed. His knees jolted, bracketing Kakashi’s shoulders. 

 

“Mmm.” Kakashi looked up, hair fallen over his face. “Good?” 

 

Gai nodded hurriedly. “Please,” he begged. 

 

“Don’t get so excited,” Kakashi joked, lowering again. This time opening his whole mouth, sharp teeth caught against fragile skin. He pulled off and licked his lips. “Did that hurt?” 

 

“No,” Gai insisted. “No, it’s fine, it’s fine.” 

 

Kakashi smiled. He grabbed Gai’s hips, held him down, and took his entire girth - nothing if not ambitious. He choked, stilled, and forced himself to breathe through his nose, then began moving up and down. Muscle control refined with years of shinobi duty, his throat opened easily. 

 

Gai whimpered, bucked his pelvis. Kakashi grunted, glared at him; he nearly died at the sight of those narrowed eyes and stretched jaw.

 

He forced himself to relax and felt Kakashi’s cheeks hollow, nose pressed into his skin. Loud slurping noises ensued. They should’ve been disgusting, but Gai considered it glorious. Kakashi continued his ministrations, teeth scratching, and Gai’s knees locked against him at the electrifying pain. 

 

Before he was able to truly lose himself, Kakashi dropped him out of his mouth. 

 

“What,” Gai whined, “are you doing?” 

 

Kakashi wiped spit from his swollen lips. “We’re not done yet.” He rose, rubbing the underside of his chin. “I think you broke my jaw.” 

 

Gai pulled him down. “Don’t be dramatic.” He shoved his tongue into Kakashi’s mouth, chasing his own taste. 

 

Kakashi moaned, flattening against the bed. Gai rolled on top of him without hesitation, and he withdrew. “Gai - ”

 

“I made you a promise,” Gai told him. “It took some convincing, but I intend to keep it.” 

 

“I never doubted that,” Kakashi said. “Not for a second.” 

 

Gai caressed his side. “You will never know how much your trust means to me.” 

 

Kakashi hummed, head slanted on the pillow. “There’s gotta be some way to get the point across...” 

 

“I am open to any suggestions.”

 

“Well, I’ve got one at the top of my list.” 

 

Gai had put the vaseline away in the end table, just in case. He took it out now, and snapped the waistband of Kakashi’s sweatpants with his free hand. “If you will,” he said. 

 

“Oh, most certainly, sir,” Kakashi intoned. He lifted his hips and discarded the pants, then laid down. His expression cleared to something more tender, anticipatory. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

 

Gai gently parted Kakashi’s thighs, and blushed at the sight that lay therein. 

 

Kakashi shifted. “Don’t just stare like that.” 

 

Gai swallowed, lowering his hand, but Kakashi kept his legs spread anyway. “Words cannot express…”

 

“Then show, don’t tell.” 

 

“Okay.” Determined, Gai uncapped the vaseline, and slathered his fingers. He scooted forward but faltered at Kakashi’s steady, trustful gaze. 

 

“Something wrong?” Kakashi asked patiently, warm lamplight thrown over his naked form, accentuating the athletic build in yellow hues. 

 

“No, not at all,” Gai said. “I love you.” 

 

“That’s already been established,” Kakashi said. 

 

“I wanted to say it.” 

 

“Yeah; I guess I wanted to hear it.” 

 

“Then I will tell you every day,” Gai vowed. His fingers growing cold with vaseline, he got back to business. 

 

Kakashi made no retort, reclined supine. He barely twitched when Gai carefully brushed his entrance, eliciting only a quiet inhalation. 

 

“I expected more of a response,” Gai muttered. 

 

“Keep going, and you’ll get one.” 

 

Gai thumbed the ring of muscle, biting his lip. 

 

“You could go a little faster,” Kakashi muttered. 

 

“Please be quiet,” Gai said. “Your big mouth is ruining the moment.” 

 

“You weren’t complaining about my big mouth just now - ah!” 

 

Gai thrust his finger in to the first knuckle, effectively shutting Kakashi up. “Is that better?” 

 

Kakashi nodded wordlessly. Gai smirked, edged in a little deeper, and pet Kakashi’s leg as he did so. His amusement fell to shock when Kakashi squeezed around him. “Kakashi - “ 

 

Not wanting to irate him, Kakashi said nothing, but encouraged by tightening further. 

 

Gai’s nostrils flared. He crooked his finger in all the way, amazed at the weird, soft, compact texture, and realized that in all his terrors real and imaginary, he’d never gotten this far before. The information gratified him, filled his chest with relief. This intimate experience was his alone, new and beautiful. He started crying again. Kakashi made no jokes, let him take his time, tears dripping onto both of their bare skin. 

 

When Gai was ready, tears subsided, he bent his finger. Fire shot through his body at how the spongy muscle manipulated itself in response. Kakashi responded in turn, his eyelids drooping half-lidded. He pulled one leg to his chest, allowing Gai better access, a silent invitation. 

 

“Your fingers are big,” he dazedly commented when Gai added a second. “I’d be okay with them alone.” 

 

“A good idea for another time,” Gai said. 

 

Kakashi kept babbling. “I wonder what your whole fist - “ 

 

“Rival,” Gai warned, almost pulling out entirely. 

 

“I’ll be quiet,” Kakashi quickly promised. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Gai edged back in, spread his digits this time. Kakashi cursed. Gai teased him awhile because he deserved it, sticking to only two fingers because he feared three would make Kakashi prematurely spend himself. He angled his hand, probed deep as possible, causing Kakashi to shout. 

 

“Ready?” Gai asked. 

 

“Uh-huh,” Kakashi mumbled, though the precum beading at his slender tip was answer enough. 

 

Gai removed his fingers. He cupped another helping of vaseline and spread it over his hard length, then fisted his base. “I am about to penetrate.” 

 

Kakashi barked a laugh. “Okay.” 

 

“Don’t do that,” Gai admonished, grinning. 

 

“I can’t help it,” Kakashi said. “You’re cute.” 

 

“You are overflowing with flattery,” Gai observed, positioning himself. 

 

“Something’s got me all sentimental.” Kakashi canted his hips up, to help Gai along. “Don’t know what it could be.” 

 

“A mystery, indeed,” Gai said. “But seriously - here I go!” 

 

“ _ Oh _ fuck!” 

 

Gai wrenched Kakashi forward after sliding in halfway. Kakashi’s mouth lolled open, the tip of his tongue protruding at the corner of his lips. Gai rubbed his legs, waiting for him to accommodate. “How is it?” 

 

“Fucking - awesome,” Kakashi sighed. He put his arm over his forehead, like he was faint. “You never said it was this good.” 

 

“Neither did you,” Gai said. “Just wait.” 

 

“I’d rather not.” Kakashi got comfortable, fumbling his other hand toward Gai’s, and nodded consent once he laced their fingers together. 

 

Gai pumped his hips, entering in fractions similar to how Kakashi had with him. Kakashi started mewling low and guttural; surprised at his volume, Gai sped up. Kakashi clenched his hand in a death grip and pulled him closer, inadvertently (or perhaps purposely) causing Gai to breech him entirely. They both froze at the connection, trembling inches apart. 

 

Kakashi spoke in awe. “You  _ are _ huge.” 

 

Speechless, Gai made no attempt to move or reply. 

 

But apparently sex made Kakashi more talkative than usual. He patted Gai’s arm. “My big hunky man,” he prattled on, beginning to hump into Gai, “you’re too good, so good - wow, we should’ve done this a  _ long _ time ago, why was I so  _ stupid _ \- “ 

 

Emboldened by Kakashi’s sensuous undulations, Gai reanimated. “Do not say such things. The perfect time is none other than now.” 

“Another chapter for your book,” Kakashi teased, crossing his arms around Gai’s neck. 

 

Gai started dragging in and out, Kakashi’s mocking on top of the pull and push almost too much to bear. “You are awful,” he panted senselessly, “the absolute worst, annoying and uncouth - “ 

 

“You love it.” 

 

“No, I deplore you,” Gai said. His movements grew erratic. “I hoped this at least would make you shut up, but you continue to torture me every chance you get.” 

 

Kakashi snickered, returning the same amount of energy. “Tell me more.” 

 

“You aren’t responsible, you eschew formalities, you pretend to be an irresistible bachelor when you are just a virginal  _ waif _ .” 

 

“Not anymore,” Kakashi countered. The sound of slapping skin got louder; he raised his voice. “Those are some pretty big words for a guy with a big dick. I assumed all your blood went right to your cock. It’s amazing you can even talk right now.”

 

“You drive me crazy,” Gai yelled. He pistoned his hips, reaching his breaking point. 

 

“I think you’re going nuts,” Kakashi said, “and I mean that literally.” 

 

“I cannot - “ Gai broke off, groaning. “Kakashi, please!” 

 

“Don’t worry,” Kakashi said, pretenses immediately abandoned at Gai’s plea. “You’re doing really great. Everything’s alright.” 

 

“Oh, I  _ can’t _ …” 

 

“Sure you can.” A glint appeared in Kakashi’s eye, the same glint from when they were young, scrappy boys. “C’mon, Gai, you can do this.” 

 

“No, I’m - “ Gai didn’t cease, couldn’t stop if he wanted to, but he did slow down and drop his head, unable to look at his Eternal Rival. “I am scared!” 

 

“Hey!” 

 

He snapped up at the tone of Kakashi’s voice, face drawn in vulnerable fear. 

 

“It’s just me,” Kakashi said, full of steel. “It’s just me. I’m with you. Always have been.” 

 

Gai shuddered. He was falling apart. It felt like dying, like opening the Gates - his whole body quaked, his mind flashed white. “Kakashi,” he sobbed, spilling into him. “Kakashi, Kakashi!” 

 

“Hey, hey…” In a smooth flick of his hips, Kakashi disengaged. He caught Gai in his arms and laid him down, cradled him as he cried. “It’s okay, it’s over. You’re alright.” 

 

Gai sniffled, intaking hulking breaths, then felt Kakashi still hard against him. “Oh, damn it, you’re - “ 

 

“Forget about it,” Kakashi said, “it’s going away already.” 

 

“But - “ 

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kakashi firmly asserted. 

 

Gai pressed into his chest. “I’m sorry!” 

 

Kakashi started rocking him back and forth, and Gai desperately molded into his touch. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been held like this - maybe when his father was still alive, after he came home from a day of juvenile torment. “What do you have to apologize for?” Kakashi kissed the crown of his head. “It was perfect.” 

 

Gai attempted another feeble protest. “I was a mess.” 

 

“You’re an emotional guy,” Kakashi agreed. “I kind of already knew that.” 

 

Gai tugged, and Kakashi leaned back but didn’t let go. He coughed the phlegm out of his throat. Tears kept running down his face. “I cry too much.” 

 

“No, you don’t.” Kakashi wiped his tears. “I like that about you. You’re not afraid of emotion.” 

 

“But I am,” Gai said. 

 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Just saying that proves you aren’t.” He continued stroking Gai’s cheek. “I expected an unending fountain of passion, and you delivered.” 

 

Gai smiled reluctantly at Kakashi’s reference. “I guess.” 

 

“I can only imagine how hard that was for you.” Kakashi was serious again, but couldn’t help himself. “Pun intended.” 

 

“Stop it,” Gai whined.

 

“Sorry. I couldn’t pass that one up.” 

 

Gai clasped Kakashi’s hand and kissed his palm. “You’re stupid.” 

 

Kakashi grinned. “Stupid for you.” 

 

Gai glanced down. They were both sticky with sweat and cum. It was gross. 

 

Noticing Gai’s discomfort, Kakashi gently took his hand back and sat up. “Let’s shower. I need to empty out my asshole.” 

 

“ _ Rival _ .” 

 

“I’m not complaining,” Kakashi said, “I just gotta do it.” He poked Gai’s nose. “Come on.” 

 

“Ugh.” Gai weakly rose, hair mussed. “Fine.” 

 

“First one to the bathroom is a loser!” Kakashi vaulted off the bed. 

 

Gai tripped after him, stumbled across the hall. Kakashi ran the water and stepped in. 

 

“It’s fucking  _ cold _ .” 

 

“You should wait till it warms up,” Gai advised. He stuck his hand under the spray, and joined once the temperature was suitable. 

 

“Look at you, with all this advice.” Kakashi made him sit against the bathtub rim and started washing him. If he lingered at Gai’s softened penis, it went unmentioned. “You really should write that book, you know.” 

 

“If I become rich, I’m not sharing.” 

 

“What?” Kakashi flicked water at his face. “You’re not going to pamper me? I basically gave you the idea.” 

 

“No,” Gai said, “but I can put you in the dedication -  _ To my Rival, who never listens to anything I say _ .” 

 

“That sounds nice. Listen to this: don’t look, seriously.” 

 

Gai closed his eyes as Kakashi cleaned himself. Perhaps he could lend assistance, one day; but that was another good idea for another time. 

 

“Okay,” Kakashi said. “I’m all ready for round two.” 

 

Gai blinked, rested his temple on the side of Kakashi’s leg, warm water streaming down them both. “I don’t know if I can do that again for a long time.” 

 

“I’m only joking.” Kakashi cupped the back of his head. “We can do whatever you want whenever you want.” 

 

“Right now, I think I want to sleep. Forever.” 

 

“No training at the ass crack of dawn?” 

 

“No,” Gai said, “not this time.” 

 

“I guess my ass crack will suffice.” 

 

“I will punch you.” Gai tapped Kakashi’s thigh with his fist. 

 

“Oh no!” Kakashi tumbled backward, loudly crashing. 

 

“You’re insane,” Gai said. 

 

Kakashi grinned. “Insane for you.” 

 

“That needs to stop.” 

 

“But it’s so fun to make you mad.” Kakashi feinted a kick at Gai’s shin. “It’s what I’m best at.” 

 

Gai rolled his eyes. “True.” He stood and shut the water off. “No more tricks tonight. You’re done.” 

 

Kakashi huffed, clamoring up. “ _ Fine _ .” 

 

They toweled dry and went back to bed, which smelled of their tryst. “I need to get plastic sheets, or something,” Gai muttered sleepily. “We can just hose it down.” 

 

“It’d be too squeaky,” Kakashi said. He flapped his arm; Gai snuggled close, head laid on his chest. 

 

Minutes passed in comfortable silence. Eventually, Kakashi turned the lamp off, drenching them in cool gray darkness. 

 

“Gai,” he whispered. 

 

“Please go to sleep,” Gai mumbled. 

 

“You called me a virginal waif.” 

 

Gai squinted at him. “I had no idea what I was saying.” 

 

“You talk dirty when you’re worked up. I wasn’t expecting that.” 

 

“And you talk sweetly. I wasn’t expecting that, either.” 

 

Kakashi’s teeth were stark white in the low light. “I guess we’re still surprising each other, after all this time.” 

 

Gai put his head back down. “Guess so.” 

 

“Hey, Gai.” 

 

“ _ What _ , Kakashi?” 

 

“C’mere.” 

 

“Hmm?” 

 

Gai turned; Kakashi met him with a kiss, giddy and pliant. 

 

It lasted for awhile, until Kakashi pulled away. “I love you,” he whispered. 

 

Gai would never tire hearing those words, or repeating them back. “I love you too,” he replied, smiling. 

 

“Just making sure.” Kakashi wrapped his arms around him, entangled their legs. “Now shut up already, jeeze. I’m trying to sleep.” 

 

Gai didn’t respond. He knew they could go on for hours. Sometimes, it was best to let Kakashi have the last word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Credits: 
> 
> "I'm telling you," Rock Lee said, strolling to Gai-sensei's apartment with Neji and Tenten, "something is wrong! He wasn't up for training again. I don't know what it is." 
> 
> Tenten smirked, "Well, Kakashi-sensei is back, did you hear?" 
> 
> Rock Lee frowned at her implication. "Tenten...don't even." 
> 
> "I don't know," Neji said. "Maybe she's right. We might be walking into something we don't want to." 
> 
> "But what if Gai-sensei has fallen to despair again?" Rock Lee asked. "He needs our help." 
> 
> Neji glanced at Tenten, who shrugged; there was no dissuading Rock Lee when it came to Gai-sensei. 
> 
> They arrived at his door. Rock Lee knocked politely, peering on his tip-toes as if he could see through the wooden slab. "Gai-sensei? Are you home?" He dropped to his heels when there was no response. "Something is definitely wrong!" 
> 
> Tenten sighed, unconvinced. "This is a bad - " 
> 
> "Leaf Hurricane!" 
> 
> The door broke apart under Rock Lee's kick. He hurried inside, teammates reluctantly following. 
> 
> "In here," Rock Lee said, pointing to Gai-sensei's bedroom. 
> 
> They slowly advanced with the stealth of all their training. Belatedly, Neji activated his Byakugan. 
> 
> "Lee," he began, "don't - " 
> 
> But Rock Lee had already entered. "Oh, no." 
> 
> "I told you," Tenten said. 
> 
> Neji stared at the floor. "We should leave." 
> 
> Gai-sensei was home, alright - naked, wrapped around Kakashi-sensei who was also very, very, naked, both deeply asleep. 
> 
> Or so it seemed. Kakashi-sensei peeked over Gai-sensei's shoulder. "Hey." 
> 
> "Agh!" Rock Lee stumbled to hide behind his teammates. "I'm sorry! I'm so terribly sorry!" 
> 
> "You better get out of here," Kakashi-sensei said, "before we wakes up and throws a fit. If he knows you three saw us like this, he'll never bone me again." 
> 
> "Of course!" Rock Lee amended his agreement. "I mean - uh - we - " 
> 
> Gai-sensei mumbled, shifting his arm over Kakashi-sensei's chest. "Kakashi?" 
> 
> "Damn it," Kakashi-sensei muttered. 
> 
> "What's going on?" Gai-sensei lifted his head. 
> 
> Before he could see his students, they disappeared in a puff of smoke. 
> 
> Gai frowned. "Did I miss something?" 
> 
> "Nope," Kakashi said. "It was just the wind."
> 
> Later, Gai saw his front door. "What the hell happened?!"
> 
> Kakashi hummed, feigning confusion. "Must've been some pretty strong wind..."


End file.
